Upside Down.

Sorry that I've not been posting for days. School finally started and I just wanted to get use to the "I'm going to school" days once again after such a long break in between. I'm really glad that school has begun, I'm running out of ideas what to do at home, seriously, I can just die of boredom being at home every single day. Anyway, school has been fine for me, I love the modules that I'm taking now! I'm actually looking forward to start doing projects, I miss gathering as a group and discuss about the topic and just laughing at all sorts of nonsense :) Did I mention? I love my new group mates, I've worked with most of them before, so i's really awesome to have them as my group mates!

Anyway, just to share a little on my favourite module, it's actually sign language. I love this module and I am so glad that I chose this as my GSM. At first I find it hard to follow the lesson because I am a totally new to sign language, I have no idea my fingers should go about forming a word or a letter. I get better gradually, and it's really interesting! Just in a lesson, I've managed to form basic sentences like "what's your name?" and to introduce myself! I believe this set of skill will come in handy if I'm given the chance to work with people who have difficulty in hearing. It's a form of communication that it's really meaningful. Social workers should be equipped with such a skill so that it's easier to communicate with people who have difficulty in hearing :) So, who wants a free lesson from me? *winks*

Okay, so here comes the solemn part. I've been been exactly in a good mood recently. Yes, I joke around in class, have fun and laugh with my friends, but that doesn't mean that everything is fine. In fact, I don't think I know what "being happy" is all about. I forgot when I'm truly happy and that smile of mine is genuine. My smile has become heavier than before and it requires more effort to lift it up and I really wonder why. Some thing happened recently that really caused me to be dying inside. There's this struggle that I have to overcome it no matter how tough it is, no matter how unwilling I am. If I don't, I will just be torturing myself even further.. I'm in the midst of trying to get back up from where I've fallen, I hope I have the strength to persevere.

I seriously think that I'm displaying anti social acts these few days. It's like, I don't really like to talk to people and explain my actions. I want to live my life in such a way that I don't have to be accountable for anyone. I want to do what I want without being questioned for my reason behind it, I want to do what I love without being stopped. Everyone yearns for someone who will know the reason behind your actions even without that person asking you, there's some sort of a telepathy or connection between you and the person. I'm waiting for this person to enter my life, it might be necessarily be someone whom I'm in a relationship, a friend can do the job too! Right now, every move that I make is being questioned. One day, I want to cry without being asked why, I want to laugh without being asked why. I don't want to answer to any of the "why" questions, because I'm getting tired of explaining.