AWESOME!

HELLO to everyone who's reading my blog. I think my blog is pretty dead recently. Oh well, my apologies, I shall make it alive once again :) Just been superbly busy and kind of lay to update. I'm back!

I LOVE TODAY! I guess it's a really meaningful day for me today because of the group activities my friends organised. They did a really a good job :) For my activity, it was somehow within my expectation and somehow not within in. I missed out quite a number of times, and I think it's a little messy when I facilitated and conducted the activity. In any case, I will work harder for my final ICA activity and make sure I consider all the factors and all the possible outcome of my activity. I need to really come up with a fun & interesting activity for my exam, I need a HIGH ENERGY activity! *cracks my brain* AHHH! I did trust fall today, and the demonstration really brought back many memories...

Anyway, I really love the activities my friends had for today. One of them was about our hurts and pains in life, which was a really good platform for me to reflect on my life and see all the mistakes I've made as well as all the regrets I have. As I was writing and reflecting, I became all emotional and sensitive, I actually teared. I don't think anyone noticed it since I didn't have the intention to show it to anyone, it's gonna be a little shocking and weird if I'm just going to be the only one. Oh well, I still held back my tears. Those hurts, pains and secrets that are within me are taking their toll on me, although sometimes, I managed to forget about them just for a short period of time. No point avoiding, since my problems will always make their way back to me. All my coping methods are basically just to smile whenever I'm with my friends, relatives or family, and of course, to continue to be the crazy, hyper and funny me, which everyone has witnessed it! I do admit that most of the times, that is the real me, however, there are times which that personality is just a mask for me to cover up my real emotions. Everyone has this mask that they wear, I don't wish to take mine down for the time being because it's going to do more harm than good. My friends and family are just going to get more worried if I were to show my REAL and TRUE emotions, which is something I don't want it to happen. Suffering in silence alone is not a bad thing anyway ;) That activity really got me reflecting and I still kept that paper in my "heart" (plastic bag to be exact :P )

Another activity was meaningful for me too! Saying "I'm awesome" and mean it is not the style for me, given the fact that I NEVER see myself as that awesome, I'm way too far off to be called "awesome" or anything close to it. I don't wish to be awesome, I just want to be normal and people will accept me for who I am. These are the 2 statements I made during the activity:

"I'm awesome because I'm pretty optimistic when I encounter problems in my life."

"I'm awesome because I can care for my friends and family without asking for anything in return."

I'm not exactly sure if people will agree with the statements above. For the first statement, I think it's true to a certain extent, I mean, there are bound to be times when you are just a little down and pessimistic, it's all due to the pessimistic moments that made me optimistic. For the second statement, personally, I think that is 100% true. I can go all out for the people I love because they just mean so much to me. Without them, I'm nothing, without them, I will not have come so far and be who I am today. The 2nd part of the activity was a really touching moment for me too! I have my flaws, that's for sure, everyone has that. Being able to hear from my friends and lecturer about my good points made me feel appreciated, at least I know, I'm not entirely useless. And being able to have the opportunity to comment about the good of my friends, it's a good way to show that I really appreciate them, it's just that, I'm not sure if they can really feel it, maybe they don't. BUT I DO. 

I love having hugs from my friends, hugs speak a thousand words. I feel so warm and loved in their arms. Alright, ANYWAY, before we walked out of the school, I spent some time at the school's atrium to "shop" for food. Everyone was so hungry the food seem to appealing to us. I bought a cup corn and a chocolate cake, it has chocolate powder, chocolate ice cream and a thin layer of chocolate cake at the bottom. IT'S SUPER YUMMY! I shall get it again and share with my friends. IT WAS JUST LIKE A FOOD FEAST FOR US! I need to control my appetite now, I managed to lose 4-5kg in a month's time, so now, I need to maintain my diet and work out routine so that I don't gain back the weight I've lost. 

AND! I've gotten my Pastamania card today, and they gave me 2 vouchers. One $10 vouchers for pizza, and another $5 for the pasta :) Whee~ which means I can drop by anytime before February next year to enjoy my pasta and pizza! 

I shall go now, I need to complete my projects and do some revision before I head to bed. Knee is hurting badly, sad life for me :( Have a good night everyone! Sleep well! xoxo

I think my colorful socks is very attractive, but it doesn't go well with this pair of shoes! 

This is my pastamania card and the 2 vouchers! :) YAY! 

The plastic bag represents my heart and the white paper is filled with my pains and hurts in my life. I'm gonna keep this with me so that it remind me not to make the same mistakes again.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Whee~ It feels nice to be able to share with all of you who are reading my blog about what's happening in my life :) These few days have been pretty awesome to me, though there's one particular day that almost "killed" me. In any case, I feel really great right now, despite having a long day today!

The only bad thing that happened during the past few days was that I fell sick, my mum suspected that I got food poisoning, which I believed was the case. I had a terrible time trying to sleep during midnight, so I woke up four times, for the first two times, I wasn't able to throw up though I feel super duper nauseous, and the third time, LIKE FINALLY, I managed to "clear my throat" and felt much better. The constant waking up and going back to sleep really reduce my sleeping time! I knew something was wrong with my body and I haven't been having the "throwing up" feeling since about 6-7 years ago. Still, I made my way to school, hoping that I will feel better after throwing up at home. And yet, I was wrong, my stomach was feeling weird and my body was responding to me in a funny way that I couldn't comprehend what went wrong. I slept during lectures (and yes, I feel really bad, I'm sorry dear lecturers), and I did feel better after sleeping, but the weird feeling still did not go away, and my appetite was the worst in my entire life. I rarely ate anything during that day.

After I went home, I felt super cold, although normal human beings will be perspiring like mad. I know my body well enough that I was gonna fall ill soon. True enough, I did. I was shivering without fans on, no ventilation at all, and yes, I GOT A FEVER! The highest temperature recorded was 38.6 degree Celsius. I was pretty reluctant to go to the doctor at first since I know I will recover within a day time, and I didn't want to spend money on medication. I was afraid that my brain will be damaged at the rate that my temperature was increasing, so I asked my mum if there's any fever medicine at home, and she said no, and told me to see the doctor. Okay, so for the rest of the story, I think it's more about the same, it's kind of a "cliche".

ANYWAY! I had so much fun today at Lynette's house! My group went to her house for our family therapy video shooting, and I have to admit, my team is a super creative team, which is constantly coming up with new ideas for the video, and laughing heartily over NGs :D We had pizza for lunch, and really a big thank you for the free pizzas that Lynette and her mum offered us. I think I ate so much that I can barely walk and continue with the video shooting. I was actually supposed to be just the CAMERAMAN, and I have no idea how I was being "dragged" into the video. Oh well, I guess it is alright, now everybody get to see the PRETTY face of mine. JUST KIDDING!  :D

Whee~ that's all for now. Have a good night everyone! Peace out! xoxo

Titanic, the love of my life!

I had a really fun and great time today, all thanks to my sister and my "just get to know him" brother, En Di! :) He's such a good and funny boy, really nice to hang out with them today! It has being such a long time since I have so much fun, recent problems are pushing me to the edge, today's a good time for me to relax and just forget about my problems, TEMPORARY.

We headed to Art Science Museum today and visited the Titanic exhibition, it was really great and awesome. I'm a huge fan of Titanic, I have no idea why, I just love the ship and how magnificent it was! :) I learned more about Titanic now and I can't wait for the 3D movie to be release next year during April/May! I'm so gonna watch it! I have watch the movie for many times, and each time I watched it, I cried like mad. It's a huge pity that I can't take any pictures while walking around the exhibition area, or my camera would have been spammed terribly!

After the tour around the exhibition, we headed to Book Fest to look for "our" mum, the area was packed, but it wasn't as bad as I've expected. The books were selling pretty cheap there, but I was too lazy and tired to look around and search for books that I 'm interested in. This is my very FIRST time entering a book exhibition, and I love the ambiance there, it's like "woah, there are so many book readers." I love that feeling!

We toured about Marina area today, and now my legs are aching like mad. I love today, there's finally a day where I can really relax and enjoy myself. Now I'm back home, I need to clear my mind and focus on my projects now. A big thank you to my smurf sister and my En Di for accompanying me today! :)

Drained.

These few days, I would say, had been pretty tiring for me. Both physically and emotionally drained, which I should say, it's more towards the emotions aspect. I have no idea what I'm thinking about, what's going through my mind and what I should do. It's like a whole struggle for me once more, knowing that things are not the same as I expected they will be. People said I'm strong, but right now, I'm here to rebut that I'm not, I was.. But after so many roller coaster rides in my life, I know I can't handle anymore emotional torture, and even if I can handle them, I will collapse and succumb to defeat. It's a tough war between my mentality and my emotions.

One mistake and then entire good journey between two people was ruined. It's a stain that will always be etched in the heart of mine, no matter how hard I try to remove it, no matter what I do to clean it away, it's always gonna be there, it's always gonna haunt me for what I did, and it will never let me lead my life in peace, because my conscience is constantly bugging me. I do admit that was the worst mistake in my life that I've ever made, if time could rewind (I know it's clearly impossible, even money can't buy a time machine), I wouldn't have such those things out of my impulses. If time were to rewind a little, I guess many of us will not commit the mistakes that made us regret for life. I do blame myself for all that has happened, it takes two hands to clap, similarly, it takes two parties to result in a conflict. I sensed the conflict, I know the presence of the cold war, but I still chose to flight. I don't have the confidence in myself that I can solve this, with both of us agreeing and coming to terms that we will erase off the unhappy moments between us. It's just as impossible for anyone to do that, it's tough to forget a moment like this when someone has did wrong to you.

Right now, all I need is patience, to be able to wait for that day when either my phone indicates a text saying "It's time for us to talk and sort things out" or a face to face notice telling me that it's time for all these to stop and regain back the good old times we've shared. But.. When will this day ever be? I hope for time to pass faster each day, I hope for that day to approach sooner everyday.. Every morning when I wake up, I still hope and pray for the same thing- that things are going to improve between us. With each day, each morning, each night, I just get disappointed, not because of anyone, but just myself. I'm disappointed at myself for not having that tiny little bit of courage and confident to tell you,"When you are ready, just tell me, because I'm always here waiting to make things better between us." I hated the fact that I may be brave in other issues, but when it comes to relational issues, I'd choose to stay in the protective shell of mine. I'm not afraid of getting hurt, I'm just afraid that my words will hurt another party once more.

I'm not good with words, I'm not good with getting my feelings across to people. I tend to hurt people with my words, unknowingly, before I know it, it's already too late to take back my words or to even apologize to the person whom I've hurt so badly. This is still a part of me that I need to change, and I want to change. If all people can see the crazy, funny and hyper side of me, I'm sorry, I wasn't being true to these people. There's always one side of me that rarely anyone will encounter or see, there's this quite and "I'm in deep thoughts" side that I don't show to people frequently, unless it has reach a point when I can no longer take it. And at this very moment, I know the time is almost coming, and I'm doing all I can to suppress this side of mine. It's not that I can't be vulnerable to people, I can, I cry in front of my friends.. I don't show this side because I don't know if people can accept this side of me, I'm unsure if I can handle all those questions being asked when I have such an opposite switch in my personality, from the highest point to almost the lowest point, I don't know how to tell people about the reason which caused my change and most importantly, I don't want people to sympathize with me. I do appreciate the support and help from all my friends, it's just that, I can't stand to see people worrying for me, it's not worth it. They have a life of their own, I shouldn't increase their stress level or burden in any way. I just want those around me to be happy.

I guess it's not true that people will always be happy around me, some people may dislike me, but still pretend that they are fine with me, and still hang out with me. For those people who really dislike or detest me, I just hope you guys can tell me, though it's gonna hurt, but a hurtful truth is better than a beautiful lie.  I'm training for my patience level to increase, and I certainly hope that I can the strength and determination to carry on in this "training" of mine. I'm just gonna be pretty emotional these few days, and my mood does fluctuates up and down recently, so for those who are around me, it's difficult for them to, since they have to adjust to my mood swings. In any case, I don't intend to show much negative emotions when I'm around my friends. I just want to thank them for giving me the greatest support when I needed it, however, ultimately, it still depends on me to see if I'm strong enough to overcome this. Despite there's this grey cloud which is blocking my clear sky now, I do believe in one thing, "If we are able to overcome this obstacle together, I know that our friendship will be stronger than before, probably the strongest I can ever encounter." That's what I believe in..

Okay, this is such a long post, I don't think anyone will actually finish reading it. Have a good night everyone!  xoxo

Hard Earned Money.

I've been spending Friday and today outside, distributing flyers from blocks to blocks, carparks to carparks. It's really tiring and tedious, and right now, my legs are feeling numb and I really love the presence of my chair.

Friday was a little tiring than today since I have to pack all the flyers into my backpack, which actually makes my back ached like mad. The main issue was that I don't know that area well and have to spend some time to locate the right place! >.< Today was just a LITTLE less tiring due to the usage of trolley. I seriously dislike the stares I received when I was pushing the trolley under the blocks. It's not like I'm going to steal the trolley, I'm just borrowing it :) Oh well, can't really blame them, it's all about perspective. I'm having migraine and slight flu now because I walked under the rain, I hope I recover soon because I still wanna enjoy my weekend :)

Money is really hard to earn, so I make sure I spend it wisely and correctly so that I won't waste on unnecessary stuff. I'm still contemplating if I should continue to work tomorrow, reasons being, firstly, my mum is returning home from overseas, and according to her, I'm NOT supposed to go out >_> and secondly, my legs are really aching and I have no idea how much more I can walk tomorrow. Pushing of trolley needs strength too, so I need to ensure I regain my strength back, and lastly, I have to finish up my projects so that I don't slow down my entire group's efficiency. Hmmm, looks like I should think it over tonight.

I'm enjoying my Korean rice cake and sushi now ^^ Nice dinner for me today and I'm really happy despite the long and tiring day I've had earlier! I shall continue with my projects too! Take care people, the weather is pretty weird lately, drink more water and rest well! :) Peace out! xoxo

Happy Endings, New Beginnings.

So that was the theme for today's farewell party specially dedicated to a lecturer who's more than just a educator to me, he's a role model, a good friend, and of course, a father-like figure to me :) I really appreciate all the he as taught me, he's selfless, caring, motivating and inspiring. I've not met anyone like him in my life before, and I admire him for having such a positive attitude in life. I did learned a lot from him, lessons that are not from the lecture notes, lessons that cannot be learned through books, only through experiences that you can acquire the knowledge, he's a wise man.

I'm an emotional person, and I know given such conditions, I will cry if I ever witness someone crying. I told myself that I will leave the classroom without any tears flowing down my cheeks today, and as expected, I've failed. When this wonderful lecturer of mine was given this "final lecture" to me, I teared and cried, all the memories we've had together, all the lectures that we went through no matter how tired we were, all the laughter and jokes that he shared which kept the class awake flooded my thoughts, and I know, I really miss his lectures. He's genuine to us, he's never fake. He showed us the real him, a side of him that's vulnerable, and till now, I will still say I love him for who he is.

He has been a great pillar of support in my life, without him, I would have probably feeling more stressed and depressed that I should. I can't thank him enough for all that he has done. Words can't express how much gratitude I have for him, all I can do is to cherish & treasure this friendship we share, and remember all the he as taught me. THANK YOU! I wish you all the best in your next phase of life and may you succeed in all that you are doing! Don't give up no matter how tough the journey is, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Believe in yourself. Lastly, thank you for bringing so much fun, joy and laughter during lectures. It's always like a magical moment when you are giving lecture because the lessons seem to be so interesting and lively despite the fact that we all know it very well that it's only be just another dry topic. You're a great man, thank you once again!

MOVE LIKE JAGGER!

Oh no, I realized I haven't been posting much lately. Reasons being:
1. I'm too lazy to post (as usual, laziness kills me).
2. I have no idea what to post since my days are pretty much similar.
3. I'm busy with projects and revision ( more like excuses than reasons :P )

In any case, I'm back to my blog now and I miss it. Isn't it agreeable that my background is so seductive and sexy? That's because it's Rainie Yang :D My craze for her is not dying, and it will never die. I remembered my friend once told me that, you will regret why you spent so much money on her when you are older. Immediately, I rebutted her and said NO! :P I'm pretty sure I won't regret since I did it willingly and it feels pretty awesome having such a good role model like her, though I can't really sing her songs, everything's cool! I'm waiting impatiently for her next drama to air (it's not even filming yet), I hope she will be able to work together with Show Luo again, they make such a cute couple.

Alright, serious things now, I'm in a pretty down mood recently, and I have no idea why >.< My smile feels heavy and everything people do irritates me and pissed me off easily, I need to find the source for my down mood and deal with it. Running away will not solve the problem anymore. Maybe I have been avoiding my own feelings and  unwilling to bring my problems to reality. I seriously wonder how I am going to help people if I can't even handle my issues. No, I need to change this habit of mine and face the music no matter what consequences it's gonna bring, perhaps, I will feel better if I just face it rather than escaping from reality. Before I even deal with it, I need to have the courage to do so, which is something that has been hindering. I may look like I'm brave on the outside, but the inner me isn't what exactly people see me as.

Oh well, hopefully things are gonna get better soon and my mood will not be so down anymore 'cause I have to  start with my revision and projects. I don't want my mood to affect my desire to study.. There's no school for 4 consecutive days (Friday to Monday), I'm going to miss my classmates. And I kinda dread going to school on Tuesday 'cause that's the day for the farewell party organized for the fun, loving, caring, wise, crazy and knowledgeable lecturer of the class. I miss his lectures and his jokes, of course, his life lessons. He's always so willing to share them with us, there's no threads of selfishness in him, and that's  a rare sight in society nowadays. Goodbyes are always so tough..

Hmm, I think I should get going and start with my revision and projects now. Have a good day ahead lovely people :) Peace out! xoxo

Ps, isn't she adorable? :D