Goodbyes.

Everyone hates goodbyes, and I'm no exception. I really hate saying goodbye to someone who shares such a close bond with me. It has happened for a number of times to me and yet, I'm still not used to it, no, I'll never get used to it no matter how many times it's gonna happen. Yes, I can still talk to the person, but it's different.  What made me said that was because of my manager.. I went to work today and after I reached my workplace for a couple of minutes, my shift manager broke the news to me that she is going to be transferred to Sembawang outlet. At the point of time, I was really shocked, I was just lost for words. The initial happiness that I had towards work just turned into sadness in split seconds. I was really upset, but I didn't dare/want to show it because I don't want her to be upset as well..

April is a good manager, a really nice and friendly manager anyone can ever ask for. Although she was only transferred here for about 2 months plus, it's really nice to work with her. I always go to her whenever I have problems during work or when I just need to rant about certain things related to work. She's always the cheerful  happy-go-lucky person to me. It's really sad to know what this Sunday will be her last day at Bugis outlet, I will miss her a lot. The thing that upsets me the most is the fact the me and her can't work together anymore, yes, I can still visit her at another outlet, but the feeling is different. The bond I share with her is unique. I think after this week, the feeling of going to work will be very different, like something is missing..
Oh well, goodbyes are part and parcel of life, I just need to handle them well..

Okay, probably something to cheer me up a little today. Tomorrow's my manager's birthday so we planned a surprise for her! The head manager called her and requested for her to report to the workplace at 530pm (she's supposed to start work at 7pm today). The main thing for coming down earlier was because a customer complained about her, that's why the head manager needed an explanation from her! Alright, so April went to prepare a termination letter and I had a part to play in it. I read the letter and made it sound so serious and solemn. The termination letter consists of 2 parts, the front part would be the real termination letter, and the back part would be the part in which it said  "happy birthday"! I feel mean, but it was funny to see how all the staffs from KFP is working together to plan this birthday surprise!

530pm finally came, and yes, the birthday manager has arrived. The moment she stepped into the restaurant, I could feel her "killer aura" and her face was really "black". A few other colleagues and I wanted to laugh but we had to control or the entire surprise will be ruin by us. We had to contain our laughter for so long! And so, the head manager, April and the birthday manager sat down at the table at the back of the restaurant, and the atmosphere back then was so tense. Both the head manager and April have really good acting skills, they made the entire talking session so real that everyone in the restaurant could feel that they are facing a huge problem! They can receive the award for "best actress"! They almost cried I swear, and suddenly, they burst out laughing and the birthday manager got a shock, and that was when she realized it was all but a prank! Everyone had a fun time laughing over the prank!

I got my manager a t-shirt! It was kind of an impromptu thing because I just found out that they have this surprise today, so April helped me to choose the present since she had to go to the bank. When I gave the present to my manager, she was a little taken aback. I think she didn't know how to respond, like surprised that I will give her a present. Well, she's my manager after all, and everyone working in that outlet is like a family to me. She's very honored though, because she's the first one to receive a present from me in the workplace!

Just one more thing! I was really glad that a customer reflected to April that I'm an attentive staff. I asked April why, and she told me that I was the only one who served the customer when nobody actually attended to her! It feels really good to receive such a compliment from a customer, at least they acknowledge your effort in wanting to make their dining experience a good one! They wrote a feedback form with my name stated on it, and honestly, I want to keep that form because it means a lot to me! It's like a motivation, a reminder and an encouragement for me to work hard and to always give my best to the customers no matter what! I shall ask my manager if I can bring it back home :)

That's all for today! I have to sleep early because I'm going to help with the opening of the restaurant tomorrow! 8 hours of work.. Hmmm?

Few Minutes Later...

Alright, so as mentioned from my blog post, I will post the photos I took with Julius once he has uploaded them. Just when I finished with my previous post, he uploaded the photos. I was too lazy to edit, so I shall start a new post just for the two photos!

I look so tan and "fried" here. GOSH. 

The guy behind us O_O he snatched the limelight from us! 

This is a nice song by Secondhand Serenade, listen to it :)

Nostalgia.

Randomly came across that picture as I as browsing through Facebook news-feed and I thought it's really well-said. It's true that nobody's perfect, it's true that we are all damaged in our own way, at least what matters most now to me is that I know I've been badly damaged, I won't say how, but I know the damages that were done to me has made me immune to many things, and as time passes, I got used to most of the damages till I have no idea how to differentiate which are considered as a damage. No matter what is it, that's life, and it goes on regardless of what you're currently going through. Reality is harsh.

Anyway, today was pretty alright. Went to Bugis to have lunch with Julius because I owed him a meal. Actually, I forgot about it until he reminded me, no idea how he remembered it, but it was good that he remembered!  The first thing that I said to him was that, "I AM TALLER THAN YOU". It's the best line I can ever say to a guy. Oh well, had fun disturbing for the few moments when I said that line to him, his reaction was just -_- How funny! We had Astons for lunch, I had black pepper chicken chop with side dishes of baked potato as well as fries. I didn't finish the potato because the chef spammed butter on it, and of course, I am not a huge fan of butter. I ate the part of the potato that was not "invaded" by the butter, tasted pretty good! I had to remove the skin from the chicken chop because I can't stand chewing on the fats, I will feel disturbed whenever I eat skins.. No idea why, it's just me. I will remove the skin. I will eat only when I think the amount of fats are acceptable to me, which in this case, rarely.

Just to say, he paid for the lunch so I'm really thankful for that :D

Thanks Julius! I really appreciate that, and please eat more next time! 

We headed over to my workplace to get passionfruit tea because it's my all-time favourite drink! As usual, I got disturbed big time by my managers and colleagues, and they all said I went on a date. LIKE SERIOUSLY?! Oh well, of course I denied it, why would I want to admit to something that ain't true? I shall disturb them tomorrow when I go to work. I think I've become a target for entertainment whenever my managers and colleagues are bored at work, they always seem to have something to disturb me about, hmmm, I need to figure out the fun behind entertaining me! Okay, so Julius mentioned to me that he is currently experiencing wardrobe crisis, so we went to walk around and he got 2 tees. All thanks to me because I picked them for him, rare moment though! I don't usually pick shirts for a guy. Anyway, the shirts were a great deal!

OH WAIT. I FORGOT THE CREEPIEST PART OF ALL. The waitress that served us has the same name as me! I spotted that the moment I stepped into the restaurant, and I thought that hmmm, it's a common name anyway. What freaked me out the most was the fact that this Elaine from Astons has the exact same name and surname as me. I literally went O_O when I saw her name on our order chit. I think I have not just a common face, but a common name as well. If I ever have a child next time, I'll make sure I give him/her an unique name so that she/he will be the only one that has that name. Probably something like "bomb", "nostalgia", or maybe "sexy". I don't know what name I will give, but definitely something unique and out-of-this-world ;)

Take a look!

Yes, Elaine Tan served Elaine Tan. COOL RIGHT?! ;)

I took 2 photos with Julius, but he hasn't upload them on Facebook yet, so meanwhile, be patient! I will post it here once he uploads them!

To quench your thirst and eagerness for pictures, here's one for you!

With my girlfriend ;) I look drunk here, sigh.

Hmmm, just thought I can share with you guys a little of what has been going through my mind lately. I hope it won't be too draggy, I'll try to summarize it, which I doubt I can go a good job in it! Alright, so here's how it goes. Let's say, you know very well that you should give up, but yet, you held on like a fool because you can't seem to give up no matter how hard you try. If you're in this situation, what will you do? 

And how much can you trust a person's words when his/her words totally contradict with one another? At one moment, this person can say this to you, and the next moment, the person just acts like as if nothing has happened and say/do something else that totally doesn't link with what he/she has said earlier. How high will your trust level be in this case?

Bullets & Knives.

Those days when things just don't seem right, people are out there to put you down, and expecting so much from you. Yes, they just think that you are some super hero with the ability to withstand everything. But hey, why demand so much from me? Can't you see that I'm avoiding all those unnecessary incidents that might just surface? Let just say, give me a break. You've got you team, I've got mine, so we are good. If things are not going well, let it be because I am somewhat tired of dealing with all these things over and over again. There's just something missing, and I don't know what is it.

People change, places change but the memories remain. I won't blame anyone for changing, but for the good or for the worst, we have no control over at all. The thing is, people have to realize that he/she is changing, and to know whether the change is desirable or simple undesirable. You might not see it, but those around you can feel it. We all feel the change but we just don't want to spit out the truth, hoping that you can see it and figure it on your own. Not sure where all this is going to lead us to, but whatever is it, let's just have our own lives. I noticed the change in me, and I know it might not be something good, so I'm still trying to change for the better. But do you know that you've change? Whatever your answer is, I'm no longer interested. I'm too tired to even think about what went wrong, I just want to live in this moment and not give a damn about things that's gonna affect me.

Okay, that aside. Next thing, have you ever chase after something that you thought was worth chasing for? You continue chasing it, but halfway through, you realized your efforts have all gone to waste, what will you do? Will you continue with the chase? Or just stop at where you've left and wait for a better one? The thought of wanting to give up is strong, I don't know if I've already given up or I'm just suppressing everything. I don't know if I'm denying or I'm really alright with it. In any case, I know I'm fine like this, so I guess I shouldn't exactly probe and harp too much on this. I guess I've already given up.

The Hand Experience!

HELLO! I've been blogging three days in a row! *claps* This shows how dedicated I am towards my blog, that's a joke, I'm just kidding. When I blog, it's either I'm bored, my hands are itching to type on the keyboard or something interesting/amazing/funny/memorable/unique happens! These are mainly the reasons why I will bored, which basically means I blog whenever I want to. I am talking nonsense! As usual, what's new?

Anyway, the entire hand experience is basically referring to the fact that I used my right hand to eat today! Went to Khai's place earlier for Hari Raya together with Mike, Winsome, Azizah, Winsome, Wenyang and Wanying! Oh, Azizah looked really different today, she looks more mature and more motherly like! I couldn't recognize her when I first saw her! Totally like WOAH!  Alright, we took a bus down to his house. His house is pretty huge, at least larger than mine! Anyway, he served drinks to us and I had fruit punch, tasted awesome! We had kueh lapis as well, there's like oreo flavour, cadbury flavor and a flavour that made the kueh lapis looks like traffic light, no idea what flavour is that, but every single flavour tasted really nice and awesome! Today's the first time in my life that I've tried so many different flavours of kueh lapis! There was always some cake filled with nutella and peanut better and this cake with strawberry cream!  Al the cakes are really nice! *drools*

Photo credits: Wanying

Next one was dinner for us. There was a lot of curry/spicy dishes for dinner, was really nice and tempting to me since I love spicy food! I had two servings of rice because I was really hungry at that point of time! The first serving I had it with spoon, and the second serving was eaten using my right hand! The first time I tried eating with my hands would be during primary school years when we had a field trip down to Little India. I felt weird and awkward eating with my hand in the first place, but it became better gradually. It's really fun to eat with your hands, I guess the food taste nicer! I was pretty reluctant to eat with my hands just now because of the cut on my finger. Plaster was on, but the chilli still seeped under the plaster and made my finger hurt like made! Oh well, that aside, I had a fun time tonight thought I had to leave early due to curfew, it was memorable nevertheless!

Mentioning of my cuts, yes, I have a total of 3 cuts on both my hands. 2 of the same thumb and another on my right middle finger (totally awkward!). I have no idea how I got the 2 other cuts other than the fact that I know I got one from the plastic cups yesterday. Sigh, I hate having cuts and now knowing how I got the, most annoying feeling ever!

Tomorrow's gonna be a healthy day for me! Gonna head to school earlier to play basketball and swim after the meeting. I only exercised twice this week, totally failed to meet my "exercising thrice a week" goal.. SIGH. I ate quite a lot this week, and its not a good sign! Anyway, I'm hoping that there's gonna be a cure for my migraine/headache because it's affecting me quite a far bit lately. I hate it when I have migraine/bad headache to the extent that I can't concentrate on anything I do. Like today, I made some careless mistakes while working and I saw stars on my way back home from Khai's place. Well, the word "cure" implies that I need some sort of method to get rid of the headache/migraine forever, like they'll stop coming after me as and when they want to... I WANT TO BE MIGRAINE FREE!

Alright, that's all for the night, I'm gonna lie on my cosy bed and enjoy the air con in my room! Be jealous!

State Of Bliss.

I'm feeling blessed because of the group of friends I have in my life, those weird but amazingly funny people that always managed to put a smile on my face no matter what. These people showed me what love and care are all about, they are priceless and most importantly, they don't ask for anything in return when they give. For once in my life, I am willing to share so many things with these people, I'm naked when I talk to them, I shall all my secrets, my embarrassing moments, and those things that I never thought I will ever tell anyone. They give me a sense of trust, and yes, I'm thankful to have them in my life!

Alright, of course, I'm always a lucky girl to be able to work in KFP. I learn new things, I learn how to work with people from different backgrounds, and most importantly, I've fostered new friendships with the people there. It's amazing how fast I can clique well with the staffs and managers over there. I still remembered the very first day of work, I was totally like a stranger, someone who's lost in a jungle maze, and the only person I know back then was the manager who rented a room in my house. She was the only person I knew then. Till now, after 2 months of working there, that place feels like a home to me, those people are like my family. They never fail to make me laugh and enjoy work no matter how tiring it can be for me :) in short, I'm just thankful and grateful that I am working in KFP, probably the best decision I've ever made!

Anyway, I got the chance to step into the bar to prepare drinks today! Thanks to my head manager for giving me this chance. She was very patient towards me and taught me all the different things even though she's sick. She may be fierce, but she's definitely someone I will go to if I want to learn new things! I learned how to make different drinks like all the flavoured teas, coffee, lava cake etc. It was a super fun experience for me and I got addicted to the bar. I requested to go earlier tomorrow for work to learn how to open the bar! I want to learn new things, so what if I make mistakes? Mistakes let me learn, if there's no mistakes, then I'd probably not learn a thing at all. It's my new life motto: learn new things, go for it, trust yourself.

Oh! I got slightly careless today while attempting to wash a plastic cup. I swear I thought it was a stain and so, being an OCD person when it comes to cleanliness, I washed the cup and the "supposedly stain" turned out to be a chipped off part of the cup. And that was how I got a pretty deep cut on my thumb. I showed my manager the cut and she freaked out, she rushed to the cupboard to take plasters for me. HOW CUTE! I don't know if it's a deep cute, but my flesh can be seen, slightly.. It's not painful, so it doesn't really bother me.  I told Ey about it and she had a deal with me. And here it goes: "If I were to injure myself again, I will owe Wanying and her each a cup of Gongcha". Hmmm, I wonder if this deal is ever going to work on me given that I'm a pretty careless person!

In any case, it's really fun being at the bar. I like to prepare drinks and just watch the customers enjoying the drink, that's the satisfaction I get whenever I make drinks for customers! I'm really starting to love this job of mine! I'm looking forward to learn more things! :)

Post-Exam Syndrome!

Let me apologize for going on a hiatus once again for the past few days, I've been busy with exams and revision. Trying to reduce the time I spend on my laptop during exam period! In any case, exams are finally over and I'm really glad! I can finally sleep in peace, hang out with my friends without having to worry about not having sufficient time to study and to sleep as late as I want to.. Oh wait, did I mention? I always suffer from post-exam syndrome every semester after the very last paper! I will have this insecure feeling whenever I'm out with my friends, worrying about exams and memorizing random notes in my head, yes, it's AFTER EXAMS, I have no idea why I always suffer from this syndrome, I think I study too much.. Somehow, just a tiny bit of guilt will settle in when I'm out and not studying, and it happened today! SIGH. I should honestly learn how to relax and stop worrying about studies, exams and results for the time being. Probably in a month's time, it'll be a harbinger of doom and destruction again! (this was my favourite line during secondary school because of this one comprehension passage that my English teacher gave the class). Well, till that very time I have to wake up to check my results, I shall try to enjoy my life. TRY!

Alright, just before I share about my papers and today's shopping trip, most of my friends said that I'm tanner now, okay, to some extend, I am tanner than before, but the problem is, they made it sound like a crime to get tan! Oh well, I shall not listen to them and continue to get tanner because I like it that way! I don't mind them saying that I'm tan because somehow, the way they way they say it is pretty funny ;)

THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG POST. BE ALERT! THANK YOU.

Okay, so it's me sharing about my exams now. The very first paper was working with older adults, and the paper was alright I guess? Can't remember what I wrote for my answers but I do hope that I can do well not just for this paper, but all the other papers as well! I think out of the 4 papers that I sat for, I like crisis and special needs the most. I have no idea why, just thought that those 2 papers were fine for me. It's not that the others are not fine for me, just that I kind of did better for crisis and special needs, I guess? I'm weird, so let it be. The last paper was programme planning, this paper made me crazy, especially the first question because it was 30 marks, and you have to come up with a programme on the spot. It's equivalent to squeezing all your brain juices out just so you are able to come up with a programme that fits in with the situation. I spent about 40 minutes on that question. Given my character, I had to rush through the other questions because I was scared that I will not have enough time to complete them. It turned out that I had quite a bit of time left and I decided to leave. SO I WALKED OUT OF THE EXAM ROOM LIKE A BOSS. The feeling of leaving the exam room early is pretty awesome, let's hope that I will not be addicted to it ;)

YAY! SHOPPING TIME! 

It was time to self care a little after waking up at 645am for three days consecutively and having to morning call the two ladies is definitely not an easy job. It makes me blood boils, but yes, now that exams are over, I guess my job as a morning caller will end here temporary till the next exam period!  

So, Ey, Wanying and I headed to Bugis for some shopping, we needed this shopping trip because exams drove us mad, exams drove us crazy! I have to confess, shopping isn't really my thing because I don't see the point of shopping, especially window shopping. The temptation is great and yet you do not have the ability to buy a single thing. I went out with $32 today, $10 to top up my ezlink card, another $7 to buy a orea frappe for my colleague because she no longer has to fast, and the last $10 on my lunch.. I can't spend all the money because I had to survive with the remaining money till tomorrow, yes, Friday.. I was literally dead in the beginning, probably like the first 2 hours of the shopping.. I was too tired, NOT SAD, just tired and sleepy because I've been getting less than 10 hours of sleep recently. My body is failing on me. I needed some rest to recharge myself and to feel all energetic again! 

We had our lunch at KFP, well, as usual, what's new? It's like our common lunch place now! I had seafood chilli crab pasta and passionfruit tea, and that's my standard drink whenever I visit KFP, it's nice! I didn't finish my food because I was too full and was feeling a little nauseous. I think it's the chilli's fault! The best part of the lunch was the 30% staff discount given by my friend because he happens to be working today! HE IS CUTE. Just a random remark, and yep, really a big thank you to him for giving us the staff discount! We started to walk around, and entered this shop named "SIXX" (I hope I spelled it correctly), and as random and sudden I can get, I blurted out that I want to have another ear piercing! It was just a random thought, I don't even know why I said that in the first place. Of course, I didn't get another piercing because I was overly concerned over what will happened next if I were to have another hole on my ear. Infections, pain, my mum.. I've saved myself from trouble since I didn't pierce! GOOD JOB, ELAINE! *pats my own shoulder*

I shall skipped the in between parts because I was really dead and had no idea what was going on. We went to rest for awhile at T Cafe while we draink Gongcha like a boss. 3 DEMURE AND SEXY BOSSES DRINKING MILK TEA! Just kidding~ I slept inside the cafe because I was really too tired & sleepy, I hope I didn't end up sleeping in an unglam manner.. *fast forward* I WAS ACTUALLY SO MUCH MORE ENERGETIC AFTER THE SLEEP. I love how active and hyper I am every time I feel well-rested! And so, the adventures of Elaine began here. I was literally behaving like a monkey, or for a better word, clown, okay, not any better actually, ANYWAY, I was jumping, running, dancing, singing, doing random things inside the mall while Wanying and Ey simply just facepalm themselves. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM NO LONGER TIRED. 

We sent Ey to her workplace and I was once again, the monkey on the bus. I was doing all sort of funny things that I could possibly think of and just acted silly/stupid/idiotic on the bus. But who cares? I'm having fun, and that's what matters most! The hype and excitement continued throughout the entire bus ride till the very moment we got off the bus, we were still crazy and mad. Oh, when I was just about to get off the bus, my ear piece got stuck in between the metal bars that secured the rubbish bin on the bus, and in a moment of panic, I pulled the ear piece hard, and you know what happened. In case you are unaware, my ear piece has its ear chopped off, R.I.P EAR PIECE, YOU HAVE SERVED ME WELL! *one minute of silence* thank you everyone for the silence and the respect you have for my ear piece, really appreciate it! *bows* OKAY, THAT WAS TOTALLY NONSENSE AND CRAP. IGNORE IT. HAHA, YOU CAN'T! YOU READ IT! 

THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE SHOPPING TRIP: I went down a travellator that was going up and I totally didn't notice it until like 20 or 30 seconds later. I was too engrossed in the conversation between me and Wanying that I didn't even focus on where I was heading to. I felt a force going against me and I thought I tripped on my shoe lace, and I continued walking down the travellator. It was like only after some time that I realized I took the wrong directioon travellator. HAHA. LAUGH FOR ALL YOU WANT! This incident got me and Wanying laughing for at least 15 minutes. Every single time that I look at her, she will start her laughing session again, she needs help, BADLY! The only moment that she ever stopped laughing was when she fell asleep on the bus. Yes, thank you for that 30 minutes or so worth of peace. I needed that to ease the pain on my cheeks and stomach from all the laughing! 

Well well well, it was a fun trip overall although it started off a little dull, but we managed to spiced things up a little! Thank you to the two ladies who made today's trip so enjoyable! LOTS OF LOVE <3 

I was hiding :D MASTER OF HIDE-N-SEEK!

No idea where Wanying went to, she was probably doing some random and weird things by herself ^^

THIS.
IS.
THE.
LONGEST.
POST.
EVER.
AND.
I.
JUST.
MADE.
IT.
EVEN.
LONGER.

I AM AWESOMEEEE ;D

Double Happiness!

I've been going crazy for the past 2 days, and I'm smiling to myself like an idiot every now and then. Don't ask me why, I'd never tell, but those close to me will know. I think only three people know about it! Well, doesn't matter the reason behind my happiness, just now that I'm honestly very happy! I'm excited about tomorrow too! Gonna head over to Body Shop to get tea toil for my pimples and for another reason, shall not reveal! The main point is: I AM EXCITED!

It feels great to go back to work again! Went back to work yesterday and had so much fun! My manager wanted to put me as host, but I was strongly against it and he had no choice but to put me as a runner, which was the position I want to do so badly! It's probably the best position you can ever have, it's fun and not boring, although it can be quite tiring! Well, it's slightly better than being a host. A host is just standing there most of the times till it's your turn to eat or go home, oh well.. As usual, I always get tease whenever I go to work, I don't mind because it's the fun that I look forward to whenever I go to work! I'm gonna spend at least 4 days on work during holidays! I want to earn more money so that I can get my iPhone asap!

Anyway, there's this new trainee who just started work yesterday and my very very kind manages put her under me. This means that I have to train her and teach her the basic things. It's a stressful thing for me to do because I'm not quite sure if I actually will teach her any wrong things.. Memorizing table members was the toughest for her to do so.. Well, I think she did quite well :) She asked me if I was from a gang because she said I looked familiar to her. Hmm, do I have a gangster look? No, I am such an innocent girl!

Went to Pasir Ris to swim today.. No idea why my mum likes to go to such far places just to swim.. Did 32 laps and I was mad tired.. Feel asleep immediately I bathe and refused to wake up no matter what, I'm just tired.. SIGH. I slept for 9 hours last night and I have no idea why I'm still this tired! Alright, time for me to finish up the last slide of crisis intervention before I enjoy my night. Goodnight!

MARCEL NGUYEN.

Gosh, I swear I am still having the post-Olympics syndrome! It feels weird not having Olympics to watch every night at 10pm. Ever since it ended, I have no idea what I should watch at night during that time so I will just end up switching from channels to channels, and randomly just stop at a channel and leave it there. Sigh, how I wish Olympics can be an ongoing event, then I'll never get bored of watching television simply because of my eye candy!

    HE IS REALLY ADORABLE. 

HE IS SO CUTE. 

HE MELTS MY HEART. 

HE IS JUST SO CHARMING. 

   HIS WINK MAKES ME SCREAM! 

Let me introduce MARCEL NGUYEN to you! 

I started noticing him on this very particular night when I was watching gymnastic, and the moment he appeared on the screen, he caught my eyes. Gosh, he is that perfect in my eyes. He's a prince charming to me! He has this smile that makes people go all crazy about! What a guy :D Ever since he caught my attention, I will always look out for his name whenever there's gymnastic competition, and I will sulk if his name is not there, so much for being a fan girl! 

 Just look at how serious he is! I am totally in love with him, I can't stand it when he smiles! A serious man is an attractive man, oh yes, that sentence is particularly true when it comes to Marcel!

This wink, oh dear, this wink took my breathe away like nobody's business. I literally screamed in my room when he winked! BEAUTIFUL. That's all I can think of. His wink is a killer!

His smile! *heart melts* I like it when he smiles because it makes me smile too! He secured a silver for Germany after winning one of the gymnastic events, which I can't remember what because I was just so mesmerized by him. Anyway, I am proud of him! If he ever come to Singapore, I will definitely use all means just to see him, or probably snap another stunning photo of him ;) 

Alright, enough of him, time to update about my life just for a little while. Had the first exam today, yes, I can finally cast away my older adult notes! I managed to leave the exam room just 5 minutes before the time strives 1050am! I have no idea what I was writing on my script because half the time I don't think I make any sense at all. Oh well, what's done is done, shall not harp over it. I will continue to work hard till the very last paper. In any case, I was quite satisfied with the exam questions, at least whatever I've studied came out! As usual, I went swimming with Wenyang after the exam and swam for about 24 laps before me, Wenyang and Wanying headed over to KFP for lunch! It was a super fulfilling lunch and yes, a BIG THANK YOU TO WENYANG FOR TREATING US. He's a kind and sweet guy, a gentleman I would say! 

After lunch and walking around Bugis for a little while which caused Wanying to spend on some items due to impromptu shopping moments, we headed over the Fitness First gym at Tampines because I have to go the the gym for a tour before I decided if I should take up the membership. Oh, I fell in love with the fragrance oil from Body Shop, one of the smells is really very nice, I shall go get it soon! Well, I didn't take up the membership because I have to pay $142 monthly and this is a huge problem for me. It's not because I don't have the means to pay, in fact, I really don't mind spending that money for a good workout and to just have a healthy lifestyle. The problem lies on my mum, if I were to tell her I have to spend that amount per month just to go to the gym, she would probably come after me with a chopper. Money is a sensitive issue to her, so I had to reject the very tempting offer for the membership to save my life and prevent WWIII from occurring. I really want to take up the membership though... *sigh* 

Okay now, serious matters now... Is it just me or does anyone feels that same as me? It's like you really want to help someone who means so much to me, and yet, you have no idea how you should help that person.. Eventually you just end up feeling like you're so useless because you can't do anything at all to make that person feel better or cheerful. And it hurts every bit of you simply because all you can do is to sit there, being useless.. I don't like that feeling, but yes, I can't do anything about it. Even if I can do something to help, it's either I screw things up or just make things worse. I want to help, but I don't know how, and I'm not quite sure if I am even doing the right thing, but I guess, I did not do the right thing.. Pfft, it honestly does suck big time when you feel this way..  

I shall not think about that for tonight, the night is pretty for me, so I shall not ruin it!

So.. Here's just some random pictures for the past few days that I didn't post on my blog! 

The other day when we went to watch Magic Mike! 

This is what happens when my cousin's iPhone lands on my hand. 

I will just spam pictures of myself because I am cool this way! 

I was the babysitter for this little girl when I went swimming with my sister, her friends and my parents! 

This little girl is too adorable! 

Magic Mike.

Yeah, figured out that I haven't been posting about things that are less emotional lately. My friend told me the last post in which I sounded happy was probably like a month ago, that's pathetic I guess.. Oh well, I can expect life to be always smooth and happy, obstacles and problems are there to make me fall so that I can stand up being stronger. Just that, how much stronger can I be? How much I can handle to make me stronger? I shall not talk about such emotional stuffs on this post, probably the next one, or I just might change my mind not to post about it.

Anyway, yesterday was kind of like my self-care day, I didn't call it self care day because I went home to study after catching a movie and walking around with two awesome ladies in my life. We went to watch "Magic Mike" (the picture up there) and it's a M18 movie. Magic Mike was the first M18 movie I've watched in the cinemas in my life, yes, the first M18 movie that I've watched was Saving Private Ryan, love that movie. Anyway, back to Magic Mike, I swear it was disturbing to me although most of my friends would agree that my brain is corrupted enough to handle that movie, but honestly, no.. I was most of the times in shock because of their actions, though it can be fun to watch guys dancing so sexually. I thought the movie was a little too long winded, if it's just a little shorter, it might be better :)

We had lunch over at KungFu Paradise! I miss my colleagues so much, and it felt good being able to see them again. I'm gonna work next Saturday, so I am looking forward to it! I miss working with that bunch of crazy people, it's fun, it's a family. I tried the Tom Yum Soup for the first time, and woah, it's spicy and sour at the same time. My lips were burning like mad after a few spoons of the soup. I still love the food over there! We went to walk around after lunch, and headed to Sembawang because EY has to work. I slept like a pig during the bus ride. OOPS.

Anyway, I headed home and started with revision, sigh, not exactly a self care day..

A Single Decision.

Decision making is always tough. 

You can't anticipate the consequences. 

You won't know how your decision will affects the others. 

Either way, you will still end up hurting someone you don't want to. 

SCREW DECISIONS. 

"I respect your decision", "Let's just go by your decision." I've said that countless times to a couple of people, and I honestly question myself, am I really alright with the decisions that they've made? Some decisions can hurt so bad, but you simply won't admit it. Going with the flow will sometimes be better than trying to think of a better solutions to solve things and work things out. I'm used to telling people I'm alright with the decisions that they've made, but maybe, I am not alright with it at all.. Perhaps I am just too tired to make my own decisions because I don't think my decisions will be fair. If I can't make a fair and square decision, I'd rather not take the risk. If I just want a decision that benefits myself only, there's no way I am going to make that decision.. 

Honestly, I still hate to make decisions..

Catharsis.

I reckon that I need to squeeze some time out from my revision to just rant all I want on the blog. People are just going to read my blog and start to judge on the things I've posted, so be it, I am too tired to care about what people has to say about the content of my blog. It's simple, if you are not going to like the post or simple can't agree to it, it's fine, just leave the page and do something else. I am not forcing you to read the entire post or dedicate your time to read it, I am fine with it.

I hate it when problems start to surface during the exam period. It's not the first time that this has happened, it's always during the exam season when all the problems decided they should just pound on me so that I can suffocate till I die. It's one problem after another, one fight after another, one quarrel after another. I remembered just a few days ago when I had to handle 3 quarrels in a row, it was taxing and definitely emotionally draining. I really don't like to get into quarrels with people, especially when these people are those whom I love.. We will only end up feeling hurt, what's the point? If talking it out means quarreling, then I'd rather not talk it out. Talking things out in my context doesn't mean to bicker and fight over the things that we can't agree on. Different people, different perspectives, that's how I see it.

How will you feel if someone close to you suggest that he/she wants to be less involved in your life? What's the first thing that you will feel? I'm not blaming anyone for what has happened, it's both out fault since it takes both hands to clap, the problem is, I don't like it when someone so close to be said that he/she wants to be less involved in my life, because to me, it's no different from exiting my life. I don't like that feeling, and I am sure no one likes it too.. I understand how you are feeling and I respect what you've said to me, I don't want anything to change between us and I certainly do hope that we are still friends who can share problems with each other, not just hi-bye friends.

Someone once told me that I can't manage relationships well because I always tend to neglect a party because of someone, and the ones who I've neglected always say that they are a replacement. But no, I am not taking anyone as a replacement, no one can replace anyone in my life, each and everyone of you who enters my life is special and unique, it's not as easy as throwing something away and getting a new one to replace it the next day. I have no absolute intention of replacing anyone with someone else, because that's an inhuman thing to do. Why would I even treat you as a replacement in the first place? Just why? You should know that you are one of the few who are closest to me in my life. I'm sorry if my actions made you feel that you're being replaced by someone else, but that's not the truth and it will never be the truth.

If I can, I will tell you everything single thing that's on my mind, everything single shit that's bothering me, but no, I can't simply just tell you everything because I am not the only one involved, I have to take into consideration of others' feelings. If I can, I will not choose to bottle things up and make myself so miserable and think that my world is upside down. It's not up for me to decide. If I have the right to decide over this, then maybe my life will be way better, less worries, less troubles, less problems. There are certain things that I chose to keep it to myself because I know if I were to say them out, things will turn out to be nasty and I don't want it to happen, so I'd rather bear the pain and sadness to myself...

Ever had the feeling of caring so much for someone and yet, the person doesn't appreciate it or acknowledge? It's something like taking your care and concern for granted.. I don't like that feeling, I swear. It's something that I have to live with just because I never know how to be smarter in life. I tried to care, I tried to be there for you, but if you don't need it, I'd rather you tell me than to hide behind the sheets and pretend you never know that I care. For every single thing I do, I just want to show you that I care and will always stay by your side, that's what I want you to see, but did you ever see it? If I have to spend my days caring for you and you can't feel it, then that's simply just a misfortune for me.. I can give you all the care and love I have, but one day, it's going to end, it's going to run out because there's always a limit to certain things.

I am going to admit it, I am a selfish person.. I know I always want thing to go by way and I never ever spare a thought about how others will feel.. The only thing that can stop this selfishness of mine is to leave and to walk out of your life, to walk out of everyone's lives.. A loner, I would say. Being alone for me will be the best, I don't have to care about what others will say, I don't have to spend the extra effort to consider the consequences. If one day, I've decided to leave your life, what will you say? How will you feel? What will you do? Sometimes, I just want to leave and fade away just to see who will actually run after me or just simply try to stop me from walking away..

You always want me to tell you things, to tell you how I am exactly feeling even when I don't want to share about it, but you never do the same. When I asked you what's wrong or whether you're alright, you'll simply just say you're okay or nothing is bothering you. I guess the saying "what goes around comes around" has been proven in this paragraph, because that's how I always answer people when they asked me just what went wrong to me.. I know how frustrating the feeling can be. I just hope that if you wish for me to share my feelings with you, I will at least hope for you to do the same, because I don't want to let you know all my emotions and being naked to you, when I know nothing or so little about you.. I find the relationship between us so lob-sided at times.

Sigh, I just hope that you can at least pay more attention to what I say because those words are my heart felt words, don't take it as just any others form by a few alphabets. The meaning behind it will never be known to you if you don't pay attention. I'm really tired.. No idea how I should continue to fight these battles, I know I have friends who will be there for me, but ultimately, I still have to count on myself to solve my own problems, I should not depend on others so much.

This is just one part of what I want to share, there's more but I will not say everything out.. I shall just say farewell to the world for a couple of days.