PEACE.

I'm typing this post for the second time, because my hands were itchy. I went to update my post earlier using iPad, and I have no idea why, my entire post just went blank. OH WELL. WHAT LUCK I'M HAVING.

Anyway, as I was saying...

I've set myself free today, yes, after such a long struggle and a tough war with my emotions, I've finally decided to do something for myself, I've finally realized that I need to free myself or I will seriously go nuts. I made a decision today, a really really tough decision. I contemplated it for quite some time before making a decision that I should go with it. I'm not quite sure if it's gonna help in anything or make me feel better, all I know is that I'm taking the courage and steps to make myself feel better, just a little I guess. It's hard to feel completely better when your heart and brain are telling your different things. I will try, I need to have self control, I need to follow through the promise I've made to myself and others.

I guess the decision came about because He gave me the strength, yes, the He here refers to God, Christian God. I've prayed to him every night and it has already become a habit of mine. This started when I was enrolled into a convent school during primary school years, and I'm glad I've studied there. The 6 years in the school had make me feel closer to God. Whenever I have issues and troubles, I pray to Him, hoping that He will guide me along my way and give the the direction that I should take. Even when I have no troubles to share with Him, I still pray because I know, He will always be there for me and help me out. He cares. I'm thankful that he has given me the chance to start afresh again, I'm thankful that he has once again, provided me with the path that I should take, I know the road ahead of me will be tough and challenging because if I don't control myself, I will slip into the old me once more. I'm really thankful :)

I really hope this peace will be with me always, but I know it's impossible. There's bound to be ups and downs in life, I just hope I can have this peace with me till exams are over :) Of course, I'm thankful to all those who've expressed their concern and care towards me, without them, I wouldn't have make it through. I really appreciate every thought, action and word that was said to me and done for me <3 thank you! I just hope I have the commitment to stay "new" for these 2 weeks.

Goodnight world!

As I am typing this post, I could feel the physical pain of my heart. 
I feel breathless.
I feel sick. 
I feel unwell and weak. 
I feel nauseous. 
Could this all be psychological? 
Is this the price I have to pay for making that decision?