Why?

It gets scary when you start to feel all lonely even when you are with a group of friends. The feeling is much more terrible than being in a crowded room filled with strangers, at least you can just randomly start a conversation with them. However, it gets hard to fit in when you friends are so engrossed in their conversation with others and simply ignore your presence. What's the right feeling to feel towards such issue? I get all paranoid when the loneliness starts to kick in, maybe it's just me, maybe it's just my way of perceiving certain things. Maybe if I can stop thinking too much, perhaps, just maybe, things will be slightly better.

Enough about me feeling lonely around my friends, it will happen if it is meant to happen, I shall not try to change anything. Well, there are some issues or secrets in your life that you can never share with anyone, including your best friends because it's the darkest side of you. The consequences will be too terrible to handle if these issues and secrets are being shared. I've been through this taunting period before and I certainly do not wish to go back to this phase once again. It's too scary to walk alone.  Lately, I am feeling rather insecure around people, it's like I am overly conscientious towards my words, actions and thoughts..

Alright, I shall cast away such negative thoughts now and start on my project. Till then, folks!

Dear Thomas.

Just in case you are wondering who Thomas is, no, he's not my boyfriend, he's not my admirer and he's not my crush. He's my cousin :) but, in this post, I am not referring to him. This Thomas whom I'm referring to, is actually the elderly whom I interacted with this afternoon when my class visited AWWA. I must say, he's really fluent in his English and he's a humorous man, he made ma laugh so badly because of his jokes. I like him, he's a cool person. I told her that I made a new friend today and that's him, He said, "let strangers be strangers, let friends be friends, but for us, let strangers be friends." I smiled at him because he has touched my heart with just that one sentence. Thank you Thomas! I shall drop by AWWA during the holidays to talk to him again!

School's pretty fine recently, just that my projects are getting more and more stressful given the fact that the deadlines are getting nearer, but I will press on and make sure I do a good job with the help from all of my group mates! Anyway, I know this is random, but I am looking for the day in which I will actually wear the graduation gown, I really want to wear it. It marks an important phase in my life just by wearing that :) I have pictures I wanna post on here but all of them are inside my friend's phone, I can only upload her when she has uploaded them on Facebook. *in Buddha's position* PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

I wanna go swimming tomorrow in school but nobody is free to accompany me! FOREVER ALONE.

Life.

I remembered someone once told me this: "Life is already giving you too many troubles, don't create more". Personally, I do agree with this person. The reasons why I agree are firstly, it makes sense to me, and secondly this person is considered wise & knowledgeable in my context although I've just get to know her for probably a month plus. If you ask me what does life means to me, I'll probably just answer you like this: "life means doing your fullest in everything and live it like there's no tomorrow, your own life, your own say". Everyone wants to lead they life that they want, but most of the times, we all end up living a life that we dislike. Maybe the reasons in play includes the lack of money to accomplish what you wanna do in life, insufficient time, afraid of how others might look at you etc, but to me, the most important reason would be that we are living a life according to other people's standards and expectations, not ours.

I decided to harp on this topic because of a recent incident that I came to know of, and of course, after a chat with someone who's close to me. Well, it sounds cliche to say that we should live our own life and do what we want, but in reality, it's so hard to accomplish that. We are humans, we listen to other people's opinions and views especially when they are the ones whom you trust and afraid of losing. We have the habit of doing that others expect us to do even if those things are slowly, gradually draining you and tearing you apart. I'm not saying this for the sake of saying but rather, I've experienced it and I'm still experiencing it. Take my mum for example, she expects me to be a good daughter and this means that I have to abide to everything she says no matter how unwilling I am. Not only this, she expects me to do extremely well in my studies and to always maintain in the top scorer position. Yes, she meant well, but somehow, it's not the life that I'm after, it's not a life that I'm pursing. I feel uptight and stress with all these high expectations binding me, and yet, I still go according to such expectations, silly isn't it? Perhaps that's the reason why I find it hard to commit to what I really want to do.

I think my post today sounds depressing, but still, I wanna voice out my thoughts. Let's say, someone has high expectations of you, and when you don't meet their expectations, they leave you or they try to convince others that you're incapable of meeting their needs, how are you going to handle it? Okay, sounds a little vague, let's put it in terms of "friend" context (I sound like I am giving a lecture here!). If one of your close friends decided to tell others that you're not doing a good job in being his/her friend and making others believe that you're someone who doesn't treasure your friends, what will you do? How will you feel? To put it simply, who are we to decide how one should view and treat their friends. Everyone cares and loves for their friends in a different manner. If one day, I don't talk to my friends for a couple of days, what does it implies? There's many perspectives on just this one question. Some may think that I'm ignoring and neglecting them, that's why they feel that I am not regarding them as my friends, while others may understand my plight and still stay in my life even though we've not spoken for days. I wonder which categories my friends fall under.

At times, when your friends are not giving you the attention that you need, it doesn't mean that they've forgotten about you. If you are going to leave or badmouth about me over this "lack of attention" issue, it defeats the entire concept of being close friends. If being friends with someone is all about seeking that person's attention, you are going in the wrong direction and it needs to be addressed. I don't want a friend who only wants my attention and when I neglect this need, I lose the friendship. It's too depressing and torturing for me to handle. In any case, I just hope that one day, everyone of us will have the chance to live the life that we want, even if it's for a day or just for a couple of hours :)

To this someone who thinks that you're unworthy in some people's life, please remember that you're definitely worthy in my life :)

SHOPPING SPREE!

I've never exactly like shopping because I find it boring at times, especially when I have no money to spend on or when my budget is low. I changed my thought of shopping now after today! It's the best day of my life ever, okay, not that serious, but well, I'm happy today :) I got two long pants from Peninsula, it's my favourite place to get pants because it's pretty cheap. I always get my pants from there! After which, my friends and I had lunch at Charlie Brown Cafe just located outside 313 Somerset, it's my new favourite eating place just because it is related to Snoopy! The food there is pretty nice, so no harm dropping by there and try out the food!

Next stop was Uniqlo because I need to get the same colour tee shirt for my group members for our career talk. I'm glad I managed to get the colour that we agreed to have and all the sizes that we need are available! I went to Diaso and I spent $10 just on paper and gift bags. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a sucker when it comes to paper and gift bags. I will stare at the bags for a long time simply because I am deciding which ones to buy. I bought 4 different kinds of bags today and a paper bag. It's my new found hobby. and I am going to shop for more gift bags if I ever go shopping again! :) It's always fun to shop with your friends because you get to do stupid yet hilarious things with them and you don't have to worry about being embarrassed, your friends are with you! Uniqlo should really have sales soon, I wanna buy more shirts and jacket from there, alright, just saying!

Moving on... I met my group members at Dhoby Ghaut before going down to Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) for our marketing project. The trip there was pretty fruitful as we found out more information that are not on the website, and the newly acquired information has boosted my confidence level more towards our presentation! The person in-charge is friendly and patient when answering our questions, thank you for that!

Nice food can be found here :) 

The gift and paper bags I bought today! ;D

Purely Entertainment!

I have no idea why I chose to put "Tom and Jerry" picture, probably because I am highly entertained whenever I am watching the show. It's fun seeing the cat running after the mouse and trying all sorts of different tricks and methods to harm the mouse! Friends should be this way I guess? No matter how annoying you are to each other, you never leave their side :) that's the best part of being friends! Anyway, the song "For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert is stuck in my head because of the word "entertainment", oh no. I have to say, it's a nice song and somehow, it sound sexual to me, or is it just me who thinks that almost everything is sexual? ;)

I love working with my friend, the entertainment level is instantly boosted to the peak and I enjoyed every single moment I "bully" her. I'm not the perpetrator, she was also involved in the "bullying process" and she's a willing party, don't blame me for annoying you. HAHA! It's always fun to work with someone you are close with, because you can act insanely and crazily together without having to control or restrict your actions! And I realized, whenever I am working, I will tend to eat a lot, way more than what I normally consumed and it's scary. I just keeps eating, guess this is what most of us do when we are bored. Business wasn't really that good yesterday so I guess eating keeps me awake and motivated! Anyway, I told my friend that the main reason for her fights/quarrels with her future husband will not be over the way on how they squeeze the toothpaste, but rather, because she is overly ticklish, especially at her neck level. If she every disturbs me, I know what to do with her!

So... I went swimming today and I wanted to aim for 1km which is 20 laps of 50m, but I only managed to swim 700m because the sky decided to go emotional suddenly. Previously, it's still possible to swim when it's just drizzles and not heavy showers (which is exactly the case today), but somehow, NEA has decided to change this rule and states that as long as they sent out lightning alerts, no swimming is allow be it drizzles or heavy downpour. Oh well, what can we do? It's for safety reasons! I shall swim more next week and prays that it will not rain suddenly again. After swimming, I dropped by my friend's house to do project. GUESS WHAT?! I manged to give them a "surprise", it's a surprise according to me, but it's not the case according to my friend. What happened was that, I told my group members that I can't make it for today's meeting because my mum disagreed to let me go out, however, after swimming today, I decided to ask my mum again and even promised to be home by 7pm, amazingly, she agreed. I made my way to my friend's house without telling any of my members. Am I cool or smart? :D

Project meeting today was pretty productive and I am satisfied! I am so proud of my group because we are making good progress, especially on our programme planning module. It's a stressful period for us because our programme will be held in earlier June and there's still quite a number of things for us to settle and decide on! I hope that everyone can press on and do a good job! Okay, something more relaxing and exciting to look forward to, I AM GOING SHOPPING TOMORROW! This means that I can finally get more pants for school as I am running out of pants to wear T_T My budget will have to cut off by a little because of some issues at home (AGAIN!). My main target is just to get black pants and the shirts for my group members for programme planning. I shall ask lady boss if I can withdraw money for tomorrow soon, hopefully she will agree to it!

I have no idea why I typed such a long post, maybe I am sitting in front of my computer like a boss and typing like a robot right now. I AM SO FUNNY, NOT -.- Alright, enough of me spouting nonsense, I shall head back to my "dearest" marketing notes now. BYEBYE.

True Or Fake?

I feel that I think a lot when I am bathing and I have no idea why. It's like those life questions know when I'm bathing and they've decided to appear in my mind when I shower, and that's when I think too much over a particular question.. Today, the question that was stuck in my head was "how do you exactly know which friend of yours is genuine to you?" I can't figure out the exact answer, so I decided to post my thoughts here. 

Sometimes, I have no idea how to "detect" people who are fake to me. I'm NOT referring to anyone here, it's just how I feel at times, blame it on the shower. Anyway, you may think that someone is being genuine to you and that they really care for you and treat you as a friend, but is this really what is it? Some people are good actors/actresses, you will never figure out what they are really thinking inside and what's their intention of treating you so well when in fact they hate to do so.. It's like they are planning something behind your back without you knowing about it, and when you find out about it, it's too late. You just feel betrayed. Their actions can make you feel love, but somehow, I'm afraid to find out that some people in my lives are just being unreal to me, and this thought scares me. 

I don't like the feeling of "I will only look for you when I need your help on something, and when I don't, you're out of my league". It's a terrible feeling I swear. That's not what friends are for, yes, I don't mind helping you when you need my help, just don't shun me away when you don't need my help because you have no idea how hurtful your actions are.. I questioned myself over and over again to try to figure out who am I to these people who are out to take me for granted? Am i just being used? I have no idea, but maybe I shouldn't care too much about this, overall, what matters most is that I still treat these people as my friends, that's all that matters. In any case, if one day, I'm no longer there to help them whenever they need me, how will they feel?

Perplexed?

I have no idea what to put as a title so I just randomly typed in the word that first appeared in my mind, and yep, the word is "perplexed". I don't know why I put a question mark there, probably I am confused whether I'm perplexed or not (this sentence sounds so profound in my context!). Well, just to sum up today, school was pretty fun today mainly because I managed to prank my lecturer, and I'm glad she didn't faint.. PHEW!

It all happened when I stepped into the class and saw words on the board, basically stating that there are a total of 4 lizards lurking in our class, and one tiny one has been caught. I'm not scared of lizards, I'm just disgusted by it because it's slimy and I don't like that feeling.. Since I am not scared of them, it's not a big deal to me. However, it is a big deal for my lecturer because lizards are blacklisted on her list. STRICTLY NO LIZARDS! It's kind of like a doomsday for her. She took the back door instead of the front door because some of my friends were playing with the baby lizard. Of course, she was overwhelmed and that's why she took the back door to escape from the lizard! This is not the funniest part! 

Okay, so the entire class knows that she is afraid of lizards, and we tricked her by saying there's a lizard near her and she will be shocked and just shun away from that area. The funniest part came when class was dismissed. I took the chance to scare her and made it sound real, so I shouted to her in a pretty intense tone that there's a lizard near her! She jumped and was so terrified, it was good that she didn't scream, I would have laughed even more! When she realized that I tricked her, she aimed a marker towards my direction, luckily I managed to catch it! I am so proud of myself, I have awesome catching skills, just kidding! :) Well, I know I'm like a bad student because I prank a lecturer but I meant no harm, I'm just mischievous when it comes to such thing. 

Setting aside that, the focus group interview with the year ones was alright although we started a little late from the time planned. Everything went well and I'm glad about the outcome, pretty productive. I switched my roles with wy because she said she can't handle the typing role, so gladly and happily, I accepted the switch of roles because I love to type for some reasons. I'm cool like this! During the interview, I could hear the keyboard going "tak tak tak", and I love the sounds because firstly, it makes me feel like I'm typing very quickly and secondly, it makes me feel like a professional. I swear that it was my fastest typing speed ever during the interview! I LOVE IT!

I hate it when I over think too much and start to imagine things, my mood turns bad and my face turns into one that says "don't mess with me or you shall bear the consequences".. Sigh.

whatifyouaretoldashockingnews, howwillyouhandleit?

Cycling!

Yep! I finally went cycling today! I have been wanting to cycle for ages and I finally have the time to do so today. I love to cycle, I get all relax and better when I cycle! I want to get a bike, but none has caught my attention so far and my house has no extra space for me to keep my bike. I don't want to keep the bike outside because I no longer have faith in chains as well as the people who walked past my house ever since my shoe was being stolen! Oh well, in any case, I guess something good about that will be my mum agreed to get me a new and nicer pair! :) I am still waiting for next Sunday to come.

Anyway, just let me share about the cycling outing today with all my lovely friends. Oh, I forgot to mention, before I met up with my other friends, I went to Charmaine's house for project. Her house is so lovely, a place filled with love and warmth, I like it! I swear the marketing project is a killer, an absolute killer, I would have kill it but no I won't, because it is already dead, so I shall not be mean to it any further! It gets overly confusing at one part and the next moment, before you know it, you are there "pulling your hair out". Why can't it be any simpler? Sigh. On the lighter note, I am pretty glad that I have Charmaine & Nicole as my group members because both of them are crazy! One of them sings/talks/laughs/smiles to herself and somehow, this is funny enough to trigger me to laugh. Another one gets high and crazy at random times. The whole "randomness" about her being high is what makes me laugh because I don't anticipate it at all! I will just end up having a good laugh even though the projects are driving me nuts!

Okay, let's fast forward to the cycling part! 5 of my friends decided to try on the family bike because it's like the coolest bike ever! It's like 4 people can cycle at the same thing, but the coolest thing of the bike will be the steering wheel! It's like a bike-car, yeah, somewhat like that. The only thing I dislike about the bike was the speed, it is too slow! When you're going up the slope, you have to make funny noises because you are trying so hard to paddle up the slope., but when you are going down the hill, it's another different story. It feels like a roller coaster ride which explains why most of my friends screamed as they are coming down the slope :) I have to comment on these 2 friends of mine, Khai and Mike. These 2 crazy guys are not in touch with reality, somehow. They thought that they are in some sort of drifting competition, if not, they thought they are some sort of a professional driver. They like to steer the wheel suddenly, with no signals or warnings, which ended up with the girls cursing, scolding, and screaming at them! I almost fell off the bike because of Mike T_T

Well, today's a fun day, exclude the part in which I suffered from migraine the entire day and it got worse in the late afternoon. I think I am too stress and I don't have sufficient sleep. The weather was hot today, so I guess that was why my migraine kinda got worse. Oh well, I shall study now before I head to bed. I need to wake up early tomorrow because I have a project meeting at 8am! Byebye~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINSOME <3

Yeah, that's right.

I have no idea how to express what I am currently going through at home. I hate how you always think that I am still a 8 years old kid, not knowing what I am doing. I know in every parent's eyes, a child, no matter how old he/she is, the individual will always be a small little kid to his/her parents. This is how parents think, and I can't change how my mum thinks either. It is just a torture having to do everything according to her standards, according to her mood. It makes me feel like I am a robot more like a human at home. I have to act in accordance to her commands. If this is some sort of a "training" for me, training me to be a more responsible adult in the future, I appreciate the effort, but honestly, it's the wrong method.

I had a quarrel with my mum this morning over the issues if I am going back to KL during my 2 weeks break during June. It's not exactly a holiday for me because I have to meet with my group members for projects and head to work. That's the reasons why I told my mum I can't go back and I won't go back. I don't want to sacrifice my school work for the sake of fun. If it's for about 3 days, I will consider going back, but not a week.  Yes, I have many things I wanna buy and the only way I can get them is to go back to KL with you, but I won't. I don't want to be selfish and leave my projects to my friends while I enjoy life over in KL, it's unfair. You asked me what kind of a holiday is it that I have to stay in Singapore and can't go overseas. It's not a rule to say that I can't go overseas, it's my choice that I don't want to go back. I want to stay here. You will be overseas by then, I need this short break to complete all the things that I want to, just so give me this break. I know what I am doing, I want to focus on my studies and projects, so I hope that you can give me this slight respect towards my decision. Stop scolding me or get angry at me because it will not change my mind.

Mothers' Day is awkward for me because I am not in a positive relationship with my mum and I am avoiding her at home. We will bound to get into unnecessary or what I will describe as "I never get the chance to say how I feel" quarrels, I just don't want to have a "black face" at home, but somehow, I always end up having this face, it's my signature face at home nowadays. I really, honestly hope that you will, one day, understand what I am going through in school as well as at home, but I know this day will take a long time, or maybe, it will not even come, because it's so hard to change the way you think..

Occupied!

It has been such a long time since I've had a heart to heart talk with my smurf sister, I love it when both of us talk about our feelings and thoughts, like a sharing session, it's amazing :) Well, I told her how I wish I can go home late at times not because I am out playing, but rather, just to have dinner with my friends or stay in school for projects. I really dislike how my mum restricts or rather, forbids me to go home late even when I have valid reasons. It's not like I am going to commit crimes or do something that will cost my life! I just wanna spend more time with my friends, doing projects and perhaps, take up more commitments..

I know my mum is protective, but sometimes, I feel like I am actually suffocating. I have to plan my schedules and appointments for her, not for myself. I have to make sure it does not start too early or end too late, which means I only have a few hours to spare if I have something important. This makes me feel restricted in many ways, especially when it comes to school work...At times when my friends ask if I can stay a little later for project meetings, and all of the times, I have to say NO, which is an answer I don't want to give. There's not much I can do, because I can't change the way my mum thinks. No matter how hard I try to explain to her, it doesn't work. I will eventually end up in a bad mood whenever I try to explain to her, she will not change the thinking of setting curfews for me..

Anyway, I went for the YCM (Young Change Makers) interview today at National Youth Council :) It was a pretty good experience! I actually got a shock when one of the interviewers was a Caucasian, I was glad that I could understand her and there was no any form of communication barrier. PHEW! I stammered quite a lot during the interview mainly because I was too nervous and there were 3 interviewers in front of me and they were asking questions like a boss! I guess I can say that I'm pretty satisfied with my performance, but I have no idea what the interviewers think of me. I'm just hoping that I will get into the panel, it will definitely be a good exposure to me!

I love dinner today :) My smurf sister treated me to nice food, and all are my favourite dishes. We ordered sambal sotong as well as fried egg! Thank you for being so awesome <3 <3

For Glowy Prata, if you are reading this, you are awesome! ;)

When Potter Meets Voldemort!

Hi, I am very happy today because I had a lot of fun in school today. Let me share with you the battle between Harry "Happy" Potter and Voldemort. Well, according to today's battle, Voldemort was supposed to win but well, a white flag was raised because Voldemort decided to be kind and let Potter wins :) VOLDEMORT IS THE BEST! Oh well, this is what happens when you start to draw a sword and kills someone's Prince Charming. It wasn't my fault, he requested for me to stab him. OOPS.

My friend started casting "spells" on me via Twitter because she misunderstood that I killed her Prince Charming, but I didn't, it was an accident. So spells were cast everywhere, well, obviously it didn't work out well in the first place because Voldemort (which is me) survived! I cast spells using my tongue, I don't need a wand! Oh no, I think this entire battle is so fun and epic, I love it! Well, sadly, Potter won in the end.. Oh well, it's all good. I am currently reading up the spells list in Harry Potter so that I know what to use on my friend the next time, I am such a nerd! Okay, dear Happy Potter, if you are reading this, you are on this spell... IMPERIO! You must now obey my instructions and commands! YAY! Now, what spells do you have now?

Anyway,  I love play "Monkey" with my friends, it's super fun. They're crazy and of course, the laughter is something I love the most :) Imagine being in the middle of the circle, running like mad, jumping like mad just to try to intervene the ball that was being thrown around. It was so much fun! Thank you for today's game, I really enjoyed it! Let's play it again some time. And just to say, thank you for the forgiveness, I really do appreciate it :) My cousin is bugging me to go KFC just because he wants to try the Avengers burger, boys are boys.. I shall stop here, the Potter & Voldemort battle shall continue some other day soon!

VOLDEMORT SHALL WINS!

New Experience.

I am eating a lot recently, and I have no idea why. I never seem to feel full, and I am eating cereals like a boss recently too! Okay, food aside, yesterday was the first day of my work! I love working now, I swear. Mainly because I've had a super friendly, funny and helpful colleague who taught me many things although it's just my first day of work! The first thing she taught me was the location of the different stocks, and I managed to remember them. I feel so proud of myself! The second thing I learned was how to be a cashier, at first, I made quite a number of errors because I have no idea which key to press, luckily, my colleague was patient enough to teach me all over again :) I'm really thankful!

Business was fine yesterday, could be better since it's a weekend and it's also a holiday. Oh well, I'm just glad I learned so many things and I am looking forward for my next working experience. I hope I still remember all that I've learned! Oh wait, I will be working at a different outlet next Saturday, which means I need to remember the locations of the stock all over again! Oh dear.. I shall try and I hope my brain will function well on that day!

I still want to get the pair of sports show from New Balance, and my mum has agreed to let me buy it! I shall drop by the shop in 2 weeks time with my mum & sister since my sister needs a new pair of sports shoe too! My friend told me that the pair of shoes is for competition and I feel so empowered suddenly! I have no idea why, it just feels powerful in some sense. Okay, I have no idea what I should post about right now, I am too full to think. OH NO.

Wasted Opportunity.

Schools's been alright I guess, lectures and tutorials are going good and I am still alive, which is a good sign. Well, I was supposed to go for basketball trial today but I had to give up this so called "rare opportunity" because I don't want to upset my mum. The previous time when I joined badminton as my CCA, she was really displeased over the fact that I have to go home late for about twice a week and whenever I reach home, she will be there to nag and scold me for spending too much time outside.. If I were to join basketball, I know this will repeat and I have to really tolerate for a long time if I were to get into the team. I really wanna go for the trial, but I have to give up.. There's no point saying this because I know no matter how badly I want to go, I can't, and I know there won't be a second chance.

Sometimes, I really hope that you can understand me a little while more. I am not as bad as you think I am. Just because I go home late from school doesn't mean I am engaging in some activities in which you think are bad or rebellious. I have my reasons, and recently, the one simple reason that is stopping me from go home is just because I don't want to return to a place filled with solemnity and tension. A home should be a place filled with fun, love and happiness, a place where I can freely expressed myself and enjoy the time with my family. I no longer feel this way anymore, in fact, I've never exactly feel this way. Home is just another place for me to sleep and study nowadays, I see no purpose in staying at home when everyday, drama just keeps replaying and you just keep treating me as a "good-for-nothing". All that has happened at home recently have made me really stressed & honestly, you assumed that everything that is happening at home is not going to impact or affect me, but you are wrong. I don't voice out my thoughts and feelings, but that doesn't mean that I don't care. You have no idea what's going on within me, all you see is someone who is trying so hard to stay strong despite all these circumstances. Just one day, I hope that you will understand all that I am doing.. When will this day ever come?

I have this feeling that everyone around me is having their hard time and I just feel so segregated and isolated from them. It's like I've disconnected from them and I have no idea what's going on in their lives, especially a few of my close friends. It's either I am too involve with my own issues that I've neglected them or it's just the fact that I have no idea how to maintain friendships or positive ties with people. Actually, both pointers are valid to me, I think I have the tendency to neglect people because of someone else or some issues that I am facing. I need to change. Maybe some day later, we will just out to be "hi-bye" friends and we will go on our separate ways. Is it just me or is it just the fact that we are both too tired to tell each other what is going on in our lives? I just feel helpless at times when I see my friends being in a bad mood and there am I, unable to do anything to help them. But then again, who am I to decide when they should feel better? Who am I to have this ability to make someone feel better?

At many instances, you really don't wish for something to happen, but no matter how hard you've tried to stop it from occurring, it can't be prevented. You know when you've tried your best, but how some people see it in a totally different manner as compared to how you view it. People will just say that you've not tried your best and they will start to judge you for making a wrong move, however, you know you've tried very hard not to make that mistake, but somehow, because of certain factors or reasons, you just did. I know people say "if it happens for the first time, it's a mistake, if it happens for the second time, it's a choice". But really, do we have to choice and control to what is going to happen in thee future, and by future, I mean, what's going on in the next minute or perhaps, the next few seconds. When the exact issue/problem happens again, people will not pity or sympathize with you, they will just put you down and claimed that you've brought in upon yourself. Don't bother to explain, because no amount of explanation will help you. 

I just feel that many things are fated to be, it's just destined and way too coincidental for you to believe it. It's just like a repeated mistake, a deja vu, but it's reality. You wouldn't believe how coincidental things are until all the memories start to come back and remind you of a mistake that you've made. That's when you know, you have to do something to stop it and not let this "coincidence" gets its way. That's what I should do..

avoidance&keepingadistance.