I realized something when I am talking to someone recently. It's like I can't say what I want to and have to control my words and replies just because I am not sure if my words will be seen as hurtful or superior. It kinda sucks when you can't say what you want to, especially when someone is important to you. It's not that I don't want to say what I want to, it's just that I don't want to hurt someone with my replies. It has been a few weeks since I'm bugged by this thought and feeling of me. Just why am I feeling this way?
My friends said it's either I am scared of the person or someone is being too sensitive/uncomfortable. I think I am just scared, and I shall not say why I'm scared because it will reveal way too much. Sometimes, it's just that this fear of me is preventing me from saying things that I want to say... SIGH. I seriously think that I have an issue with myself, I am always picking on myself.. I really don't want to change anything right now although I know I'm not really been myself when it comes to talking to this someone via the virtual world. Maybe it's because of the past, that's why I am feeling what I'm feeling right now. Maybe because I am afraid to lose this person that's why I am so careful with my words. The more I am afraid to lose this person, the more I am cautious with my words, and sometimes, my actions.. But does this mean that I am not being myself? I am just tired of losing people whom I love.
Who's not afraid to lose someone who is dear to them? Just who?
I have to revise my replies over and over again in my mind just to make sure that the reply sounds appropriate enough and that the person who receive the reply will not feel offended.
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