Uncertainties.

There are so many uncertainties in life, so many things can happened at the same time and what makes it worst is that it happened at the very time that you didn't expect or anticipated it. Maybe that's what life is all about. This is gonna be a long post since I have not posted for a day, many things can happen in a day~ And I'm feeling really sleepy at this point of time, hopefully my eyes will co-operate with me and let me finish posting before it gives up on me.

Anyway, I spent a night at my friend's house and had a really fun, whacky and crazy night there with all the laughter, food and friendliness her parents portray. I think that her mum is like the most awesome parent ever that I have encountered so far, she is nice and generous, wish my mum will be like her, well, at least 60% similar to my friend's mum. Ha, maybe I should quit complaining so much about my mum and cherish her before it is too late. Having to think of it, my mum isn't that bad after all. I can never imagine myself sleeping at like 4am in the morning and spending less than 8 hours of sleep a day, and the consequences to this are:

1. Feeling like a zombie
2. Always finding a place to sleep
3. Zoning out
4. Brain is not functioning well

Of course not everyone will feel the way I do, it's just me. It's a good experience to have a sleepover~ We watched Titanic too, and once again, I have to admit that this movie NEVER fail to make me cry. It's sad and so touching. On the way to my friend's house, I isolated myself from my group of friends, reason being, not because I want to get attention from other people, but rather, I wish to be alone and just sort out my thinking. Maybe it's not a bad thing to be alone at times, somehow I feel a little better after being alone although the problems are not solved. It's gonna take a long while before I can actually recover fully.

I didn't stayed for the class BBQ, just didn't feel like staying and I really don't have the appetite to eat. I haven't been eating much lately, and I don't really wanna eat. I kept to my promise and went for the party, so I hope I didn't get you into trouble, anyway, it doesn't seem to me that you're affected by my departure, so I guess things are alright. I walked to the MRT station alone, with so many thoughts in my mind, and I can't seem to get rid of them. I think my mental strength is depleting and I need to regain it soon. Holidays are finally here and exams are over, I don't think I'm gonna do too badly or too well for this semester's papers. I'll probably spend the entire holidays doing self reflection and blame myself for all the stupid mistakes that I've done.

And to answer your question to why we still kept on thinking ways to save your brownie, the only explanation is that, because that is your hard work and as your friend, we don't wanna see your being disappointed. If you were to look yourself in the mirror, you would have saw that downcasted face on you, and it's true that your brownie is tasty and that it's really delicious, so we shouldn't waste your effort, it's isn't that bad actually~ And don't mind me for being a busybody, it's just my character.

Sometimes, I wonder if things will be better if I didn't tell you anything at all, but if I don't, am I still treating you as my friend? Dilemmas still keep me confused till this very moment and I'm still trying to figure a way out. It's not that I'm being a coward, it's not that I don't have the courage to apologise, it's not because my pride weighs over our friendship, it's not that I don't want to apologise, it's just that I don't know if one "sorry" can eliminate all the misunderstandings and unhappiness that we have, and I don't know if it will save our friendship because we are humans after all. One "sorry" doesn't solve everything, one "sorry" doesn't bring back the memories we used to share, and one "sorry" doesn't mean that you can forget all that has happened. If I have the chance to, if you are willing to give me that few precious seconds, I would put down everything I have and apologise to you sincerely, without a second thought or hesitation.

Probably it's useless for me to say all these things 'cause I always fail to convey my message, thoughts and feelings correctly.. I hope, one day, you will understand me better and vice versa and not just see the outer me, my inner world is more complicating that you think it is, it's a struggle, and I know everyone has their struggles. I will just wait for the suitable time for us to be friends again, building a strong, solid and stable friendship.

Really tired now, think I'm gonna hit the sheets soon. Nights people.