Regrets.

"Everybody's got that one regret, no matter how they try, they can't forget" This is a song lyrics taken from David Arcuhleta's Things Are Gonna Get Better. I love this song because it's very meaningful and inspiring. Well, true enough, everyone has their own regrets in life, and since it's called regrets, I guess it will just remain the way it is. I have a few regrets in life and I really hope that I will stop regretting in life and make wise decisions that I will not regret in the future. The feeling of regretting something that you've done or should have done is really unpleasant. You will just keep harping on it, even so, there's nothing much you can do.

My biggest regret in life is not spending more time with my grandparents who are living in KL. It has been such a long time since they've left this world. I came over to Singapore to study when I was young, and because of this, I don't really have much time to go back to KL and visit them. Now that they are no longer here, I really feel empty inside and regret not doing my part to spend more time with them. They really dote on me very much and the memories I have with them are priceless. Ever since they've passed away, I have not visited them, and for this, I truly feel sorry and regret. I don't wanna give myself excuses, but whenever my mum goes back and pay them a visit, it's either exam period for me or I'm still schooling. The timing's just this bad. I feel like I've failed as their granddaughter. My grandparents mean the world to me, be it whether they are alive or not. And since I'm going to go back KL this month, I will request my aunt to accompany me to visit my grandparents. I miss them badly..

It's always hard to deal with the feelings and emotions you will experience when your closest kin passed away, the feelings can never be described using words and it's just tough to explain it. My grandparents' death was a huge blow to me and till now, I can still feel every single inch of sadness and pain that's in me. Just a few years back, my mum suddenly spilled out the beans that my biological dad is dead. I couldn't react to her because it was way too sudden and I have no idea what to say. Yet another kin has left me.. My parents divorced when I was just a little kid, and I can't really recall much of the things about my dad and the memories that we've spent are gradually fading. I have no idea what's the cause of my dad's death, but according to my mum, she told me that my dad got shot by a policeman. This means that my dad actually committed something against the law, which brought upon his death. I'm not quite sure if this is the truth, because it's only one side of the story from my mum. Though I really want to know the truth badly, I never dare to ask my mum about it lest she gets all sensitive and upset. I have no idea where he is being buried at, and I hated the fact that my parents divorced because since then, I never got to see my dad anymore, not even the chance to talk to him on the phone. It just seems like he has completely vanished from my life.. Though I don't have many memories with him, I still miss him dearly and no matter what he has done, he is my dad after all. I still love him.

Of course, there is many regrets in my life and the above mentioned 2 are the ones that have the greatest impact on me. I regret hurting the people whom I love with my actions and words, making them feel hurt and pain. I regret not studying well during secondary school. I regret leaving someone who loves me wholeheartedly just because I'm selfish. I regret saying things that I should never have said to a good friend of mine. I regret for not seeing doctor whenever I have injuries which caused my bones to be weird. All these small little regrets in life make me realised that I've made many wrong and unwise decisions in the past. I really hope I can change this and minimise the regrets I have in life. One can never live without regrets. They serve as a platform for us to be a better person and teach us to make wise decisions. I'm still on the journey of becoming a better person.