Dear You.

I really hate myself at times, because I tend to express my emotions and feelings at the wrong person when I clearly know that the person is someone I treasure. Why am I making moves that will cost a friendship? In any case, this post is just directed and dedicated to this one person whom I think I've disappoint, hurt and upset for many times. I feel like a coward because I have to resort to such method to express my apology. Anyway, it will be good if you read it. Here it goes..

Dear you, 

I'm sorry for what happened last night. I really didn't mean to show my attitude towards you. You didn't do anything that upset me, definitely not your words. I was just overwhelmed by own feelings and worries. I'm sorry that I said the wrong things at that point of time. 

I know I'm in the wrong, so I'm sorry. I'm too disappointed in myself this time. I hope you're alright. 

I'm sorry...

AWESOMENESS!

IT'S SUPER COOL TO TALK TO YOUR LECTURER ON TWITTER :D


Okay, this is my thought for the day :) byebye!

Messed Up.

Just look at the keyboard. I've been staring at it for minutes and realized that my life is somewhat similar like the letters on the keyboard. Messed up, disorganized, confused and broken into many different fragments and you just need time, effort and the right person to come along to help you the piece those pieces back together, just like a puzzle. The patience is a huge challenge. Sometimes, your efforts are just not enough to piece everything together, no matter how hard you try, it's just not sufficient. You will just wonder, how long more do you need to wait, how much more do you need to do before everything stars seem better and clearer?

I don't ask for much in my life, but, please mean what you say to me, don't tell me things that you don't mean them at all, don't tell me things just to make me happy but the fact is that those words are never true.

Don't tell me you like/love me when you don't. 

Don't tell me you care when all you do is to ignore and neglect my presence. 

Don't tell me I'm important to you when you don't make an effort to make me stay. 

Don't tell me you'll always be there if you intend to walk out of my life. 

Don't make me feel love when you choose to forget about it eventually. 

Don't tell me we're friends when you only know how to treat me like a stranger.

Don't pretend you know me well when you know nothing about me.

When your responsibilities get too much and too heavy, you'll feel tired and fall. Who will be there to pick you up when that happens?

Reflections.

Sometimes, you just sit there and think back about your life, what you've done, where you've been, the promises made and broken, who came and left your life. When you are being all reflective, there's just so many thoughts to think through, so many answers that you wish you can have the answers to them, but no matter how long you spend to reflect, you will never be able to get all the answers that you want, this is life. There's many questions not answered, many doubts not clarified, many words not spoken, many actions not done. Everyone has, in some point on their life, regret things that they've said or done, and it's not an exception for me as well. I remembered I once told someone that I have 4 major regrets in my life, and I start to wonder, is it really just these 4 or there are more? Or you simply can't calculate or count your regrets? I really don't know, maybe for all my life, it has been filled with tons of regrets that even I myself are not aware of.

My friend once said, "no one can truly understand oneself", and I do agree with her. At times, you just don't know who you are, what you're doing and where you are going in life. At times, it's like you are your own enemy. At times, you just simply hate yourself so much that no amount of words can be used to describe the hatred you have towards yourself and your life. What do you do when you are lost in your own life? What do you do when you have suddenly lost the sense of direction in life? I came to realized that I'm not exactly leading the life that I want. I always tell people to live their lives in the ways that they want it to be and the only true happiness that you can get is to be who you are. I'm started to feel that I am not practicing what I preached. It's hard when it comes to giving advice to yourself, you always seem to contradict yourself.

I hold onto the past for too long and too much that I can't find a way to "start afresh" and actually look forward to a future that I can be truly happy with the decisions I'm going to make, with all the things that I am going to do. It's like, when you want to case behind your past and when you are almost there, it decides to come back and haunt you all over again. The only thing that you can do is to dwell and bury yourself in it, and what makes it scary is that, no one is able to help you even though you know clearly that people are there to care and help. I know what I want in the future, the problem just lies on how to actually move out and move on from the past so that I can succeed in creating the future that I have been yearning for.. I guess all these need some time, a long period of time before I can finally let this heavy burden to leave me.

I think that commitment is a heavy and difficult term for me to inject it into my life. It seems tough for me to carry through committing, especially when it comes to relationships. I've got my heart broken for too many times, I've got my hopes too high for many times and I've got myself hurt for way too many times. My heart is telling me to take a break, to stop waiting for the person to enter my life and to just free myself from the pain. I've never exactly listened to what my heart wants to tell me, but this time, I will and I should learn to follow my heart. My heart is tired so I'm going to give it a break.

Passion Never Dies!

I bought a new basketball today and went to shoot some hoops just now! I got home not long ago, and right now, I am feeling super energetic, I can feel the zest and energy running in me! Anyway, I was playing basketball with my cousin and this random guy suddenly approached us and asked if he can join us. Well, being polite citizens, we welcomed him, that's for sure! He is like an aim bot, he shoots the hoops in such a relaxing manner that I got a shock. He should join the NBA. I chatted with him while playing and realized he's from Ipoh, Malaysia! It was a fun game for the fact that I kinda made a few friend, which is a pretty awesome thing to me :)

Anyway, I went back to school today! :D You can never imagine how excited I was, I miss all my friends and lecturers. I'm just glad that I can have the chance to meet them before school starts. This is the first time in my life I miss school and classes so much, I guess this has to do with the bond I share with the class due to the things I disclose about myself. I love all of them! :) Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, I went back to help out with the orientation discussion. To be honest, I have a strong feeling that it's gonna be super fun! I'm looking forward  to meet the juniors too! We managed to get a list of their names today and we were like a bunch of wild kids snatching for the name lists that my lecturer gave us. See, this is how excited we are ;)

OH! Wendy came back today and I was so surprised to see her again! For those of you who are unaware of who this awesome lady is, she's the lecturer who taught our class lifespan and social issues. Frankly speaking, I wasn't really used to the way she gives lectures because she skipped a lot of slides which left me hanging there, so lost and confused. However, I realized she's actually a pretty outgoing and patient lecturer and eventually, I love her lessons. All her lectures are highly interactive! Anyway, back to the topic, she didn't really changed and for those who were present for the meeting, we were all shocked to see her! It was similar to seeing a long lost friend you've never thought you will be seeing him/her again, and when you do, that moment is just priceless! So, she mentioned that she will not be teaching us, but she will be teaching the Year 1s, well, at least, we still get to see her around school :) It's good that she's back to teach our course, it's our honor to have her as our lecturer!

I'm gonna shoot some hoops with few of my friends tomorrow. I'm hoping that I can sleep early, but, I'm not exactly tired. Oh well, I shall see! Till here then my friends, I'm off to drink some refreshing guava juice!

Mother To Be!

My apologies for not blogging recently, I've been pretty busy, yes, busy with housework, busy trying to put myself in my mum's shoes as she does all the housework. It's not an easy task, you have to wake up earlier than the others just to make sure that you can complete all the work on time, and somehow, the other members' schedules have unknowingly become yours. You have to wake them up for school or work, you have to fetch the children from school, and you have to take care of their health and well being too! I really admire all the homemakers around the world for being able to be involved in the whole housework routine daily and never complains or just leave the work undone, it's really amazing!

My sister said I can be a good mother, she just has to emphasize on this point just because I do a lot of housework like ironing, washing the toilet and clothes etc. I'm not exactly sure if I will be a good mother, whether a yes or no, I don't intend to probe further since I have no slight intention of becoming one. I may just remain single for the rest of my life. Though it gets a little lonely at times, I like the freedom of being able to do all that I want, just free :) I like that. Okay, back to the topic of me being a mother... Actually, it's really tough being a mother, all I can say is that the love of a mother is magnificent. Every mum loves and cares in a different manner, what matters most is that we, as their child, knows that she cares for us no matter how much she scolds or nags at us.

Personally, I love washing and ironing the clothes best. I love them because it's like coloring, you hand washed the clothes, the scrubbing motions are like filling a plain colouring page with colours. It's the same for ironing the clothes too, I like the satisfaction behind ironing the clothes, making them look neater and straighter! :) I think I sound weird, oh well, it's just me! You will feel that sense of happiness when you think of your family wearing the clothes that you've spent a fair amount of time ironing, it just feels good. I don't feel frustrated when I am doing the chores because I am able to find my interest in it. If you're stuck doing something you dislike, try to find something fun or interesting within it, it's like an instant shot of "I think I love doing it now". It works!

Anyway, I am looking forward to go back to school tomorrow for the orientation discussion. I have a strong feeling that it's gonna be fun :) Till then, my friends~

Unwell.

I've been down with flu for a few days and my sore throat just worsen. I can't exactly taste my food now and I don't really have the appetite to eat. I wonder what is wrong with me, maybe just the sore throat. Anyway, I went to class chalet yesterday for a couple of hours and I had so much fun! I was being splashed continuously with water (I wonder why I suggested to go to the pool area in the first place) which resulted in my entire outfit being wet. I'm born playful, so I eventually ended up diving into the pool and swim in it. I love the feeling, felt good to be able to swim and just mess with the water! :)

It was indeed a huge pity that I can't make it for the class BBQ. I miss my friends so much and I'm really looking forward to go back to school once again! New term, new knowledge :) Anyway, result was released yesterday, and I couldn't exactly sleep well. I wake up every few minutes, especially during morning because I was really anxious to know how did I do for my papers. When it was finally 8am, I stared at my phone for so long and finally, I gave up and went back to sleep. It was only until my sister's text that I get to know my GPA and I finally received the school's text at 834am O_O Oh well, what can I say towards my results, I'm happy that's all! I'm really glad I managed to do well! I'm not sure if my mum is happy, she has no reactions when I told her my results, guess she is?

I feel so old and mature all of a sudden. My mum left for KL yesterday afternoon and I'm being given the responsibility of mending the household till she comes back, probably a month later. I am going through a "mother to be" experience, too young to be a mother and honestly, I have no intention of being one. In any case,  my dad and sister are entrusted in my care. I'm not exactly worried for my dad, he's old enough to take good care of himself. It's more of my sister whom I'm worried about. I have to take extremely good care of her or I will get a lashing when my mum returns. Did I mention? I have to do housework everyday, although it's nothing new, but it gets tough some times because I'm like the sole homemaker now. Well, I shall try my best to do a good job so that my mum can settle her issues over at KL with a peaceful mind ;)

Alright, homemaker Tan is signing off now, see you ;)

Heartless 2.0

I AM HEARTLESS.

I no longer care about how others feel. 

I do things to make myself happy only. 

I am not bothered by anyone. 

I am living a life filled with misery. 

I cared too much, and I give up now. 

I am not needed in your life that's why. 

I don't know how to feel anymore. 

Yes, I don't want to care anymore. 

Tell me why should I care when others don't?

Heartless.

Alright, this is going to be a long post because I am going to rant about my displeasure towards certain issues. Before I start, let me state a few pointers to whoever is reading this post. Firstly, this post is NOT targeted at anyone, if you think I am referring to you, then it's you, if you think otherwise, then good for you. I am not out here to put anyone down, I'm merely just sharing my viewpoints, if you are highly displeased or unhappy, then kindly stop reading and do other things. Secondly, this post has a high chance of making me heartless, so if you are starting to think that I am a heartless person, so be it, I cared too much that's why. I am not directing this post to anybody, get your facts right. Yep, so here we go!

To start with, blog is a place for me to share my stories and my opinions on certain issues. I created a blog as an alternative outlet for me, if you can't stand the way I blog or the way I comment on certain issues, it's simple, just stop reading. I wouldn't know whether you read it or not, unless you tell me personally. Similarly, this applies to Twitter too. I created a Twitter account to share how I feel and of course to relate to others about how I feel. If anyone who follows me thinks that I am spamming Twitter way too much or I am talking to my friends way too much on Twitter that you can't stand it, once again, it is as simple as ABC, you can simply click the "unfollow" button, it is created for a purpose. You have your freedom to unfollow me, I have the freedom to speak and post about anything I want. If it upsets you, I'm sorry, but it can only upset you if you allows you to. I don't have that much time to actually check who unfollow me, I am not that free. If you really want to, click it. It's not like I'm going to kill or blame you for doing so, I don't have the right to control what you want to do, and nobody has the right to restrict what I want to do either. It works both way.

Sometimes, people just need to learn to view issues on different perspectives. There's no one single perspective that is absolutely right or wrong. If you insist that yours is right, then I'm sorry, you are being too superficial. Honestly, I hate it when people judges so quickly, especially towards my friends. Quit judging when you all you know is their names and not what they have been through. You are not always right and given that judgmental attitude of yours, I'm surprised you managed to get pass all that you've said. Who entitles you the right to judge people? Well, it's true that everybody judges at some point of time, but if you are able to view it in a different manner, maybe you will no longer judge so much. At certain times, you just need to keep your views to yourself, especially when you don't know the person well enough to cast your judgement on that person, you get it? Oh, stop maligning others without knowing the full story, that's not gonna work and it's definitely not going to impress me.

How to you show that you care for your friends and those whom you love? You can care for that particular person when you are with him/her, but when you are not with that person, you stop caring. Is this really what  caring is all about? No, it's not genuine. I'd rather people not care if it's not true or when they care for the sake of caring. You can care at some point of time, and if are going to do things to hurt me or others, stop telling me that you care. If you don't care, tell me straight in my face, it doesn't bothers me much. If you have anything that you are unhappy about me, tell me personally, don't talk behind my backs, it's a lowly method. If you care, you care all the way. I don't see the need of caring for someone and yet, when you turn around, you are talking about that person like he/she is not important.

Just a piece of advice: think for yourself, decide for yourself and make choices that you are happy without the influence of others. You will regret when you realized you are being over dependent on another. It's your life, you should lead it the way you want it to be and not following what others say. Stand up for yourself! You should be responsible for your life, don't hand it to others to decide for you because you will never be truly happy.

I am talking a lot, and I know I sound really mean, harsh and heartless here, but like I said earlier, I care too much last time, that's why I don't wanna continue to care anymore.

Dilemma.

When you are being thrown a mission that you know it's almost impossible for you to engage in, what do you do?

When you know your actions are going to hurt the other party, and yet, he/she requests you to continue, will you still do so?

When you are at the end of the road, not knowing what to do anymore, how do you handle it?

If you know the other party will be hurt, and yet, you are the only one who can help, will you still be willing to help?

When you realized you are slowly dying inside, is there any way to cure it? 

When you have to force yourself to do something that you know you can't do it, for the fear of hurting another, will you give yourself the chance to try? 

You know, I really don't want to do it, because I know I will hurt you really deeply, is there any other way out or is this the only we have to help you? I'm not sure if I am even doing the right thing, you see. I know you want to get rid of that very badly, but somehow, I find it very hard to overcome myself. True, I am a part of the reason why such things happen, and I know I should do something about it. Just the slightest actions can make you feel this awful, I really can't take it anymore, I really can't continue with what I am doing. I'm hurting you openly, that's not I want. I'm not sure if I can even take it further. It's just going to harm and hurt you even more, you will see it's not the best solution eventually. If you still insist that I go with your choice and plan, alright, I will. 

Should I even go now? 

My First Time.

Please don't be mistaken, that "first time" isn't what some of you think it is, it's definitely not that. The "first time" stated on the title refers to the very first time I got drunk. Yes, I have never gotten drunk before in my life, I always know how to control myself whenever I drink, because I know when one gets drunk, things will start to go wrong, and that person will start to say things that he/she shouldn't, but all the words that were being spoken are true, those are the words that have been kept inside for too long. Somehow, last night, I got drunk, for the first time in my 18 years of life and it was certainly something that I didn't expect to happen to me. Seems like my self control when it comes to alcohol isn't really that strong, I need more time to master it.

After just 2 cans of beer, I was starting to get drunk. I have no idea what happened to me, usually, I can handle more than 4 cans, but last night, it was simply terrible, I got drunk that easily, maybe I really wanted to get drunk to escape from my problems for some time and of course, to experience how it feels to be drunk. I was not really in touch with reality, I've said things that shocked my friends, and of course, that's when the truth comes to light. Some things have been kept within me for such a long time, and last night, I finally admitted to everything. I'm not quite sure if it's a good thing, all I know is that, I can't even forgive and face myself. I witnessed something pretty shocking last night, I shall not mention what is it, but I know what happened last night was true, all the emotions involved, those were genuine.

In any case, I don't think I wanna get drunk for the second time just in case I say things that I shouldn't say in the first place. I cried last night, which is something I haven't been doing for a long time. I'm not exactly sure what I've said last night were all true, but I know, I've been keeping those words within me for too long, and if I didn't get drunk, I probably wouldn't spill it all out. If I want to drink again, I should just drink alone so that no one will overhear what I have to say, no one will have to witnessed that disastrous and drunken state of me.

I woke up with bruises, cuts and scratches on knee, only to remember that I fell several times because I couldn't walk properly yesterday. Oh well.. That's me when I'm drunk and not many people can get to witness that. Let's not talk about me getting drunk and stuff, I have been taking afternoon naps very often recently, and I think it's a sign that my body is telling me that I'm really tired, physically. I can't seem to sleep well too, I wake up once every few hours and simply can't go back to sleep. My mind is so disturbed by all the flashbacks and mistakes I've made, it's too occupied with such thinking that whenever I close my eyes, the guilt just bugs me more and more. I toss and turn around, hoping to sleep comfortably and soundly, and that's when I realize it's not working, I just can't sleep in peace anymore.

You're Officially Legal!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR JIJI! 

I just dedicated an entire blog post for you, my dear :) It's your special day today, so I hope that this year will be filled with happiness and love for you! You're finally legal, 18 years old! It's not an indication that you are old, but rather, a reminder that you're stronger and wiser than before! Continue to shine, and hope that you will enjoy yourself today! 

Thank you for being such a great friend to me and to everybody whom you know, your genuine care and concern has touched me greatly and I'm really glad that I'm given the chance to know you better this year :) You're awesome! Please always remember that, you're special and unique, there's only one of you in this world! If you ever need help, just call me, I will always be there for you! You're not alone, and you will never be alone. HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again :) 

I LOVE YOU! <3

John Carter!

I'm so sleepy! I have been sleeping late and waking up early recently, reason being because I don't want to sleep early, it's holiday, there's no point sleeping early since there is no school the next day! Well, there's always a consequence to pay for not sleeping early, and for me, it's my migraine. It has been acting up more often recently and well, I just sleep the pain away since it usually works for me :) Today is Monday, and I am really excited!

Anyway, I went to catch a movie last night with my aunt, uncle and sister! :) Yep, that's right, it's up there, JOHN CARTER! Frankly speaking, I have no idea what that movie was all about, I saw the preview and trailer on television, but I have no idea what is it talking about. I entered the cinema with absolutely no clue what I am watching. I have to be honest again, I was feeling pretty bored at the beginning of the movie as I don't know what the movie is talking about, but as it progressed, I realized it's actually a pretty interesting movie. I was totally into the movie by then :) There's a little humor here and there, and well, I love the movie. I teared towards the last part of the movie, I know, this is how emotional I am! Well, it's basically talking about this guy, John Carter who was transported to Mars (they call in Barsoom in the movie) because of a medallion. This movie portrayed how he helped Helium fought against its enemies and eventually saved Barsoom from vanishing. It's an interesting concept I must say, very captivating and I feel lucky that I get to catch this movie. I watch movies only when the title captivates me or when someone recommends it to me, and as for this movie, my uncle suggested to watch it, so I just tagged along. If he didn't ask me to go, I probably will not even watch this movie. In any case, everyone should go and watch this movie, it's really a nice movie :)

Oh, ever since I watched the movie last night, I fell in love with the male lead actor, Taylor Kitsch (John Carter in the movie), he's actually a dashing young man :) I went to search for him on Wikipedia, and guess what? He will be starring in a movie, "Battleship", which will be released on April, and that is the movie that I wanted to watch when I saw the trailer in the cinema yesterday ;) We are this fated, kidding! He's quite good looking and I love his accent, just because he's from Canada!

His smile is so charming *faints and melts*

That's all for the first part of my day, shall update again soon ;)

What Hurts The Most..

I often see in Twitter about what hurts the most in our lives. "What hurts the most is seeing the one you love, love another". Yes, I do agree that hurts, but this is not the only thing that hurts the most in our lives. I've been hurt a thousand times in my life (okay, maybe not so serious, but still!) and I realized the most hurtful thing for me is seeing my friends suffering in silence and yet I can't do anything to make them feel better. The pain and hurt that they feel, all the unfairness and resentments, there's nothing I can do to make them feel better. Yes, I can always offer them my advice and listening ear, and of course, there's a chance that they will feel better, but you know, humans are capable of hiding their emotions, they can tell me they are alright now, but who knows what's their true emotions when they have their backs against you?

What hurts me the most is the fact that my friend chose to keep her own troubles to herself, not intending to reveal anything to me or those who are close to her about what's on her mind and what her problems are. Suffering alone is painful enough, and now, she chose to suffer alone in silence, pretending that she's fine, pretending she's alright and giving a smile that has no true meanings behind it. I don't like to see my friends faking their smiles, because they are not truly happy, I don't feel good seeing my friends faking their smile just to make me worry less. The more they fake it, the more I will worry. I know I'm not a superwomen who can make people happy with just my words, that's why I try my best to share my happiness with my friends, to the people I love. I'm not the most optimistic person ever, but I'm willing to give me optimism to my friends to help them through all that they are going through..

To my smurf sister, 

You've changed so much ever since I met you and get to know you better. You're so much stronger than you were before, and I am glad that you are doing things and making decisions that will bring greater happiness to yourself. The road ahead of you might be tough and tiring, and at times, you may just feel like breaking down and give up, don't, because you might be just another step away from what you've always wanted to achieve or hope to see. You just need to have faith in yourself, because you are the only one who can determine how your future will work out eventually. All I can do is the give you the support, encouragement and advice that you need. You construct your own future, and I just wanna say, you're doing a good job. Press on, you will eventually find the light that you've been fighting to hard to just catch a glimpse of it. I just want to let you know, you're really amazing, and thank you for always being there for me, especially those times when I just feel like giving up on my life. Please always remember that I will always be here for you at any time that you need me! 

To my Texas chicken, 

When are we ever gonna have our Texas chicken date? It has been months ever since we arranged for the chicken date to occur. Anyway, jokes aside, I will be super serious now (rare sight of me, I know!). I'm not exactly sure what turns through your mind nowadays, all I know that you are not feeling good. Pain and hurt just suddenly decides to knock on your door recently, but don't be afraid, you have friends around you who will fight together with you to defeat them and help you stand up strong again! You are stronger than this, we all know it. You may fall, that's not important, what matters is that you are willing to give yourself another chance to stand up again! Nobody likes to be alone, I'm sure you are no exception. You know I'm just a phone call away, if you need someone to talk me, I'm always available! 

Wipe Out!

I've spent day doing practically nothing again, oh, nothing constructively I meant. I was just watching videos and playing games on my iPod and iPad. I was watching this Taiwan variety show and I was seriously laughing my ass off while watching. My cousin and mum were laughing madly too, I think that video that I watched is only suitable for people who used profanities quite often ;) Oh well, it's a really funny video!

OH I JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS! I killed a COCKROACH just now, it tried to crawl up my bed, and I had to spam baygon, I'm sorry Mr Cocky (my smurf sister said this is the nickname for cockroach), I had to eliminate you because you are going to scare my sister, and she will start screaming, I don't want her to scream during such late timing, and I don't want the neighbours to complain, I'm sorry, please forgive me! Anyway, going back to what I want to say earlier, I was watching Channel 5 earlier and I realized that it has some really nice shows, and I really enjoy the shows that I've watched. I watched Wipe Out and Hole In The Wall and I was seriously having a good time laughing away. It's funny how the contestants slipped and fell into the water, the way the dropped into the water is really funny and weird! Oh well, at least they have the courage to participate in the competition! I wanna join too, I think I will be eliminated really fast, probably during the first round, if I ever make it to the second round, lady luck is on my side! Hmm, Hole In The Wall is basically about 2 teams competing to score when they are able to pass through the wall without falling into the wall. It's funny, because the hole on the wall it's awkward at times, oh man!

Anyway, just before I end the post, I just wanna say, I AM SO EXCITED FOR MONDAY :D GONNA SEE ALL MY LOVELY FRIENDS ON THAT DAY! CAN'T WAIT <3

Against Humanity.

Pardon me for not blogging recently, I was too lazy to post about my days since there aren't much to talk about. As usual, I'm starting to get bored all over again. Oh well, I'm just lazier, sleepier and fatter during the holidays, I need to start to get my ass moving and quit being lazy, but sometimes it's just hard to accomplished that! O_O I have been going out for the past two days, not exactly shopping, just walking around with my cousin as well as to accompany my aunt to get some documents signed. I was home within 3 hours. I don't really like shopping, it bores me a little at times. I prefer to go shopping when I have a list on my hand or in my mind, I will just get whatever I need and poof, I am out of the mall and on my way home :) That's how I shop.

I have been spending my nights talking on the phone with my friends, and did I mention before, I love talking on the phone especially with those crazy friends you have and you can just talk about the most random stuff ever! Yeah, that's how I talk on the phone with my friends, plain random and hilarious! Someone asked me this question before, "what do you usually talk on the phone?" And so I answered, everything and anything, ranging from troubles, jokes, discussions about certain topics, gossips and any other things that I feel like talking about :) That's how girls talk on the phone, we are spaghetti, we talk about everything! I realized something, when I talk on the phone with my friend, especially late at night, I have this huge tendency to talk to myself instead of my friend. I will just be overly involved in my own little world and start talking to myself as if I'm all by myself. I think I am weird, who knows? ;)

Anyway, I watched a video today which lasted for about 30 minutes and as I watched, I could feel the anguish, disappointment and hurt all in me. Take a look at the picture up there, yes, you may wonder who is this Kony guy who has been trending all over Twitter and has the capability to make me sit there and watch the full 30 minutes long video. He is just one man, who decides to have the world against him over his actions against humanity. He is an Ugandan guerrilla group, head of the Lord's Resistance army (LRA). Crimes such as murder, rape and cannibalism are committed by him and his fellow followers, and I don't see what is so huge about him and his actions. He's just sick and out of his mind, treating children like they are nobody!  He is the #1 on the criminal list of International Criminal Court (ICC) in The Hague, Netherlands, and that's right, he should be arrested for all that he has done to the children out there. No children should ever live in the fear that he/she would be abducted suddenly when they are sleeping soundly. No way, this is now how they should be treated. I am actually pretty glad I saw the trend of Twitter and watched the video, if not, I have no idea what that Kony guy has been doing the kids and how much the kids are suffering.  If you have no watched the video, here is it :) Take some time and watch it, and spare a few minutes to pray for the kids as well as for the arrest of Kony.

Yep, so that's what got me really upset. Hmm, there's something I am happy and excited over too! :) Rainie revealed that she will released her new album this coming July during an interview in Sydney. I CAN'T WAIT, I AM GOING TO GET HER ALBUM THE VERY MOMENT ANY MUSIC STORE IN SINGAPORE IS SELLING IT! :D I am hoping that she will have a concert here in Singapore again, I really miss the day I spent my night at the Indoor Stadium enjoying her performance, screaming and shouting her name as she presented us with all her wonderful songs. I don't mind going through sore throat the next morning again, it's all worth it! Just saying, I think the collaboration between Rainie and Show is the best, they have that certain level of chemistry that I don't really see it in any other artists who are working together. They will really make a sweet, funny and loving couple ;) Watch the video and you shall know why!

Yep, that's all for the day, I am getting real sleepy now >.< See ya!

Just Keep DRAWING :D

PEEKABOO! :D I've finally found something awesome to do at home, yep, and that is to DRAW! I'm not drawing on papers or book, but on my iPod. Sop guessing, look up there, that's what I'm addicted over. DRAW SOMETHING! It's the best app ever, I started playing last night and simply can't get my hands off the game, it's just this addictive! I love how my friends draw the words for me to guess, I can stare at it for minutes and just laugh, some of them even use words to let me guess :D SMART PEOPLE! This game is really awesome, I'm no longer bored at home! Yay for me!

Some words are really hard to get, that's why I devised my own way to guess the words as well as how to draw the word that I chose. It's simple, just head over to any search engine on the net and you will soon find it easier to draw and guess the word :) Here's an example, if you get a country's name and you want to draw it so badly (because it usually worth 3 coins) but have no idea how to draw it, DRAW THE FLAG. In any case that you have no idea how the flag looks like, just head over to Yahoo, Google or any search engine and type in the country's name and there you go, you can now draw the country's flag! :D That's what I usually do if I get stuck drawing a country's flag. Secondly, if you are stuck with the word you are trying to guess, less worries, try to guess at least the first 2-3 letters of the word depending on the length, and once again, head over to any search engine and typed "words that start with _ _ _" and you will have a whole list of words that start with the letters that you guessed. I was playing a turn and my friend drew something like a railway, so I guessed the way "rail" but I have no idea what the remaining 4 letters were, so I used the method and went to search, and TADA, I got the answer :D I have no idea why I talked so much about this, but well, it's just how I play the game, I TRY NOT to use search engine too much or it will not be fun anymore.

Actually, I find this game pretty meaningful, you can play with random people and just get more perspectives on how a single word can be drawn in many different words :) Creativity plays a huge part in this game, and that is something I'm lacking of, shall work on my creativity as I continue to play this game! It's just so fun! It bonds people together too, especially when you are playing with your friends, you will see their creative side, and sometimes, you just have to have a good laugh over what they drew, it's a good bonding game I must say :D I get all happy when I can guess the word even when the whole picture isn't out yet, and I just smile to myself like a retarded and praised myself nonstop, see, I'm going gaga over this game! When I can't guess the word correctly, I will start to "pull my hair" O_O I am just so determined to get the word right! Oh, another thing is that I learn new words while playing the games, I can increase my vocabulary knowledge, which is a good thing :)

Alright, enough about the game, shall talk about my day today, which is basically nothing much to talk about. To start, I woke up with a terrible migraine today! I had a feeling last night that my migraine is gonna act up sooner or later because I have been sleeping late and waking up early these few days, simply, LACK OF SLEEP T_T My head was hurting so badly that I felt like vomiting, yeah, it's this bad. I struggled huge time when I was doing housework because I have to act as if I'm alright or my mum will scold me terribly if she ever finds out I'm having migraine. She will nag at me for not sleeping early, using the computer for too long blah blah blah.. Anyway, I went to bed after I was done with housework and woke up 40 minutes later because my house was too noisy. As usual, my mum invited her friends over, and yup, you know the rest of the story ;)

I kind of spend the entire day today playing Draw Something and spamming tweets on Twitter :D These are my hobbies now! I went out with my mum to the supermarket just now, and a little kid tagged along with us. He's adorable and real playful. He ran around the place and I had to chase after him like a mad women, oh well, I enjoyed it anyway, it's fun to mingle around with kids. The smile on their faces acts like magic, just a smile from that kid and my Monday blues were all gone. I have no blues on Monday actually, my Monday is colourful! I think I can work well with children/kids, but my first choice is still working with elderly, they are the adult version of kids, and they are really wise people to work with. I have a lot to learn from them! :)

There's 2 new shows for me to watch on Channel 8 and Channel U today, pretty excited! I've been looking forward to these two shows. Oh well, I still miss watching "Rescue 995". Ever since I started watching that show, I've become so keen to learn CPR, and guess what? The price for learning CPR is expensive, I will have to consult my mum before I can enroll in the course! I want to learn CPR because it can save lives. If more people were to learn it, then more lives can be saved in times of emergencies!

I'm going off now, shall continue with my game :D SEE YOU!

PS, isn't my Maple Story character cute?

I'm Going CRAZY!

I think I am going to turn crazy soon! I dislike staying at home, especially during holidays, I can't go out, and all I can ever do is to sit in front of my laptop and start clicking on my mouse O_O I am supposed to have a fun holiday but it turns out to be a boring one. Holiday has just started (kinda) and I'm already dying. I need to go out and have fun. I NEED TO GO OUT! Oh well, what's the use of "screaming" on my blog when my mum will not agree to me going out unless there is a need, just like today. I went out of the house today because I needed to send my sister for swimming lesson, and according to my mum, that is a need :) It sucks sitting there and admiring how people are swimming, and there you are, just stoning because you can't swim for a few reasons. *sigh* I wanna swim, just keep swimming, just keep swimming~

Anyway, I was listening to Rainie's song today as I was waiting for my sister to finish her swimming lesson, and I realized something that I never did before. Her voice, there's something about her voice that really catches my attention, it was filled with pain and hurt, a part of her voice that I've never realized till I listened to her slow songs earlier in the pool. I could almost just cry there while listening to her songs. I just love how she portray every song of hers, really well done :) That's the reason why she's my favourite singer <3 I just uploaded a bunch of her pictures onto Facebook because I have not been doing so for 2 months or so due to school commitments. Somehow, holiday is a good time for you to do all that you've been wanting to do! OH YES, it's confirmed that she will be collaborating with Show Luo for a new movie! YAY! I will sure to watch the movie and BUY EVERYTHING THAT IS RELATED TO THAT MOVIE. I've always been looking forward for their work again, they really look like a couple :D

Let me share a photo of my dearest Rainie here :)

Look how attractive her smile can be ;) GO RAINIE <3 <3

Continuing, I need to get my ATM card soon, I need to the money to get present for my sister and for my friend. I need to money to pay for the class chalet too. SIMPLY, I NEED $$$$! I shall try to open an account tomorrow :) I am very excited to get my card, I've been waiting desperately for it! I shall continue with my maple game now, see ya ;)

Just before I end, this is really adorable :D BABIES!

Behind That Smile.

Have you ever wonder how someone's live is behind the smile that they put on everyday? A smile can hide a thousand emotions, I totally agree with it :) Some people can fake it off quite well with a smile, just a smile and they can cover all their troubles and problems. At times, a smile is put on to help someone overcome the pain or just avoid it. Oh well.. Why am I even talking about this? That's because someone told me that I'm becoming unapproachable recently, and for the matter of fact, I don't disagree with that person, in fact, I agree :) I know I'm becoming more and more antisocial recently, it's really okay. I like being alone now, just me, myself, in my own world. Don't ask me why, because it just happens, and I know everything happens for a reason, and that reason will never be revealed :)

I don't understand why people say I'm troubled, I don't understand why people can't trust me when I said I am alright. Yes, maybe I'm really troubled, but when I said I'm okay, I mean it. I just need that trust because I can handle the matter, if I can't, I would have already collapsed long time ago. I have a thousand over worries, I have a thousand thoughts going on my mind at one go, sometimes putting them into words is not enough to help me overcome whatever I'm feeling. In any case, it's not a serious or huge matter, it's just a decision I made, so I have to bear the consequences of it :) I'm leading my life as how I should now, so I really hope that nothing interferes with it right now. When the time is right, everything will come to an end.

I prefer to stay at home, and not go out unless there's a real need for me to do so. I just want to draw a line between myself and the others as of now. I'm getting more and more antisocial, I don't want this to affect others in any way, so what not just stay at home and spend my time in my room? I think being antisocial is good at times, people don't approach you, people don't ask your questions about your life, you are on your own. You don't have to be responsible for others, you don't have to account for others about your own troubles and issues, it's good to me as of now.

There's a Chinese song lyrics that really catches my attention and I really like it, so I will just share it here.

"不想面对我的痴狂，不想正视我的荒唐，

假装没受过伤，错与痛一个人承担，

不愿意自己揭穿那是我对自己的惩罚."

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JUSTIN BIEBER!

I have no idea why I just dedicated a blog post to wish him a happy birthday, but he deserves it :) He's a sweet, kind, talented and a good looking young man to me. His songs are fantastic,he has great guitar and drumming skills, he has a beautiful family, his family are supportive and his fans are awesome. This is just gonna be great for me and all his fans. I'm not a great fan of his, I listen to his songs etc and I must say, he has come a long way. Haters are everywhere, leaving harsh comments on Youtube about his voice and how "gay" he is, but I've learned something from Bieber, and that is to "Never Say Never" and just believe. I'm looking forward to his new album, Believe! Once again, happy birthday! :) Stay cool always~ 

Look at how he has changed over the years :) Keep going, Mr Bieber!

Dare To Love.

Hello :) I'm back with a new post. I've recently made my blog to private because I had to get some matters off my chest so that I can feel better. Indeed, I posted a post yesterday night, and don't bother to search for it, because I've deleted it before making my blog public again! Well, I find it pretty pointless to have my blog being private since the main idea of having it was to share with others about my life and stories :) For the post that I've deleted, it's what I've been feeling inside all this while, and nobody knows what I wrote. Some words are meant to be unspoken, some actions are meant to be unexplained and some thoughts are meant to be unknown. Now that I've public it again, I will try to make my blog ALIVE :D

My day has been good so far, did something that was productive, and that was to PACK MY CUPBOARDS! I have been told to do so since last couple of months and given my lazy character, I kept delaying and finally, I managed to pack them today! It was not exactly that tedious since there's not much stuff in the cupboards other than the fact the messiness was taking its toll on me. I have no idea where and how to start packing because it was that messy O_O Oh well, at least I've accomplished my mission and my mum have nothing to complain about now. Somehow, I love to pack my cupboards because whenever I do so, I will find little notes and pieces of paper hanging all over the place and those words and memories put a smile on my face. Yes, I'm that type of person who clings desperately onto memories, those are the times which I treasure, and that's also the reason why I find it hard to let go at times. When I realized those memories are slowly killing me, that's the only time I will TRY to let go of everything and not care anymore.

Moving on... I watched a Thai movie today for 3 reasons. Firstly, I was bored. Secondly, my sister recommended it to me and thirdly and the most important reason was because I support human rights! :) The movie was about a lesbian couple who fought hard to maintain their love and relationship because one of them was afraid of how others will view her and her mum disagrees to such relationship. They got together eventually, and I really admire their courage to love each other despite disapproval from others. This may be just a movie but it does reflects what's happening in society. Some people are just so uptight with same gender relationships and strongly disapprove to such love. Tell me now, what's wrong? These people have the right to love, they are humans too. Personally, I really admire and salute those people who are brave enough to stand up for their love, be it same gender or opposite gender, because you have to fight for your love, not sit there and wait for it to happen. That movie brought me to tears, it was a touching movie and the love shared by the couple was just magnificent, they fell in love, they just did. Although it's based on Thai language, I still recommend people to watch, no harm watching, it may help you realized that same gender love isn't as scary as many people assume it will be :) We should dare to love, the right person doesn't come by easily, and when he/she enters your live, make a daring move and love him/her till the end.

There's a GOOD news for me today! :D I was browsing through Facebook news feed today and something caught my attention. RAINIE YANG AND SHOW LUO ARE GOING TO WORK TOGETHER AGAIN! :) They went to Melbourne recently for photo shoot session and I think they are either working on a drama or movie, in any case, I will have to support their product because I've been waiting eagerly for them to work together again ever since Hi My Sweetheart darma! I'm looking forward for that and hope that  both of them will be able to win awards for their efforts <3

Aww, don't they look like a sweet couple here? ;)