My First Time.

Please don't be mistaken, that "first time" isn't what some of you think it is, it's definitely not that. The "first time" stated on the title refers to the very first time I got drunk. Yes, I have never gotten drunk before in my life, I always know how to control myself whenever I drink, because I know when one gets drunk, things will start to go wrong, and that person will start to say things that he/she shouldn't, but all the words that were being spoken are true, those are the words that have been kept inside for too long. Somehow, last night, I got drunk, for the first time in my 18 years of life and it was certainly something that I didn't expect to happen to me. Seems like my self control when it comes to alcohol isn't really that strong, I need more time to master it.

After just 2 cans of beer, I was starting to get drunk. I have no idea what happened to me, usually, I can handle more than 4 cans, but last night, it was simply terrible, I got drunk that easily, maybe I really wanted to get drunk to escape from my problems for some time and of course, to experience how it feels to be drunk. I was not really in touch with reality, I've said things that shocked my friends, and of course, that's when the truth comes to light. Some things have been kept within me for such a long time, and last night, I finally admitted to everything. I'm not quite sure if it's a good thing, all I know is that, I can't even forgive and face myself. I witnessed something pretty shocking last night, I shall not mention what is it, but I know what happened last night was true, all the emotions involved, those were genuine.

In any case, I don't think I wanna get drunk for the second time just in case I say things that I shouldn't say in the first place. I cried last night, which is something I haven't been doing for a long time. I'm not exactly sure what I've said last night were all true, but I know, I've been keeping those words within me for too long, and if I didn't get drunk, I probably wouldn't spill it all out. If I want to drink again, I should just drink alone so that no one will overhear what I have to say, no one will have to witnessed that disastrous and drunken state of me.

I woke up with bruises, cuts and scratches on knee, only to remember that I fell several times because I couldn't walk properly yesterday. Oh well.. That's me when I'm drunk and not many people can get to witness that. Let's not talk about me getting drunk and stuff, I have been taking afternoon naps very often recently, and I think it's a sign that my body is telling me that I'm really tired, physically. I can't seem to sleep well too, I wake up once every few hours and simply can't go back to sleep. My mind is so disturbed by all the flashbacks and mistakes I've made, it's too occupied with such thinking that whenever I close my eyes, the guilt just bugs me more and more. I toss and turn around, hoping to sleep comfortably and soundly, and that's when I realize it's not working, I just can't sleep in peace anymore.